I haven't been on this forum for a very long time so need to re-learn all the terms used, needed to get that out before I forgot.
I am a mother with 4 children, well... they're not all children anymore really, my 2nd born is 22 and my youngest is 13.
My daughter, who I feel needs to move out is making my life absolute hell and I literally feel anxious if she looks at me funny, it means Ive annoyed her somehow and she will then ignore me and give sly dirty looks until she feels she wants something from me.
A little back story....
She has a job and a new bf, the new bf came about as an overlap, we know this due to my youngest son (18) asking me for advice about how to help his 'friend' in a sticky situation and it all just fitted.
I get why she doesn't want to tell us her business and nor do I want to know really, but the lies annoy me.
My daughter will lie through her teeth to us and confide in my sister in law, who she shares a hobby with.
She has caused embarrassing issues for my sister in law which has caused my daughter be be asked to leave the hobby/club they shared, my daughter came home telling us (hubby and me) that she got bored of it and just decided to leave.
She has a totally split personality. She shares a room with my youngest daughter who is 13, my 13 year old is not allowed in the room if she is in there watching tv or with her bf.
She will shout and stamp her feet at my youngest two and cause mayhem in the house, she cooks and leaves an absolute disaster in the kitchen, she won't hang her wet shower towel, it just gets thrown over the banisters for me to hang or wash, she doesn't buy her own shampoo or sanitary wear, she uses mine and won't tell me I need more, its just silly inconsiderate things, but she's 22 for goodness sake, nothing I say makes her stop and think.
She will walk through the front door of an evening with her bf and not even ask if he can stay, which then means I need to set a up a bed for my youngest in the living room, at first she would ask if he could stay over occasionally, and now she won't bother.
She will even walk through the door and not say hello, its open plan so im feet away from the front door, its just rude.
He stayed 3 days in a row over this last weekend and then asked for him to stay again on Monday night, I said no because I don't want it all the time, she stormed out of the room and hasn't spoken to me since.
I am painting an awful picture I know, but the thing is the other side of her is sweet, funny, kind, loving and 'normal'.
I have tried speaking with her on many occasions but I now feel like I want my home back.
I am not the type to want my kids to leave, I cried for weeks when my eldest moved out, and actually have been dreading the day my next says they're moving out, I love my kids at home, but she is making me feel ill.
I say all this and in a few days time she will be back to being loving and kind again.
My problem is that I know she does not earn enough to move out and rent or buy, I know she doesn't have savings for a deposit and im considering starting to save myself to give to her so that she can, but I fear she would not manage the upkeep of a flat or room, its far too much money where we live.
Is there any help for young people to find a place of their own?
How do I raise this with her, I don't want to make her feel unloved or not wanted.
Any advice would be appreciated, Thank you