DD, autistic adult, on phone all day

[bosqueverde]

Hello all,
please be kind...
I'm a single dad since a few months ago - two dauhgters, both adults; both autistic, both psychologically traumatised by their BPD mum. That's a lot of problems to have, but to focus:
DD2 is on the phone all day, every day, following favourite fanfiction / writing / fantasy. It's clearly not healthy; at the same time, the escapism is self-medication and it has helped her cope. I'm wondering how to get her in a better place, given the mixture of trauma, disability, the coping mecanism that this has been for her until now, and her age.
Thoughts?

I think focus on getting her trauma treated and adding value to her life rather than attempting to take something away from her.
Does she work? Have any other hobbies or interests that she could persue? Is she seeing a therapist?

You could suggest cosplay going off her interest list? They have groups for that and comic cons so she’d be putting her energy into dressing up and meeting new people.

Oh I don't know, I rather think fanfiction is a healthier outlet than crack. Your daughter is traumatised and have some neuro atypical needs, it is her way of coping with the world. You could encourage writing her own original fiction but please, please don't rubbish what she is doing now. Its her special thing.

How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: Break Bad Screen Habits, End Power Struggles, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids https://amzn.eu/d/cIQZcXd

I listened to him interviewed on a podcast recently (possibly The Times one) and he was really good, spoke about how you have to show them life is better, rather than telling them. I’d give it a go.

Thank you for all your thoughts - a lot of useful ones.
@RedCarWithDice , she studies! Mid-way through a degree, foreign languages+TESOL (languages being the part she likes). It's a struggle but it has given her a lot of opportunities to meet people and find they are nice, engage intellectually. The discord between her favourite activities online and her study choice complicates things. Therapy... no, long story😭
@IntoTheMild Cosplay is an interesting thought... You're right it moves IRL while staying in the world she likes (which is more or less how I want it to go). There's plenty to work out, but it's a thought.
@Rectanglelights Thank you for putting it into perspective 😂she does dream of writing, and leaves untidy notes a bit everywhere, various phone apps etc. You are right: I don't want to kill what he enjoys; rather enrich it with more, like - being able to put boiling water on noodles!
@SalmonFandango Oh I'll definitely watch that! I can't immediately... But the "show life is better" is certainly something. In fact - separating from their mum was step one of that, only months ago.

This is her interest, her hyperfocus. I think a Pp’s suggestion of getting out to cons, looking at cosplay etc is a really good idea, but it sounds like she is already quite creative. She’s doing a degree so it’s not like she isn’t “achieving” anything.

Honestly I wouldn’t be worried, I’m neurodivergent and I’m successful in my career with a degree and a professional job, married, with my own home. I still spend my spare time reading and writing fan fiction, gaming, or cosplay, and I’m nearly 48. I have a perfectly happy and meaningful life, I don’t need it to be someone else’s idea of “better”.

@TheFireflies I'm also autistic. None of this would bother me if my daughter looked anywhere like on a trajectory like yours. It's not a problem to get into fanfiction - it's a problem to do nothing else, to not wash, not empty your own bin, run up and down the house corridor singing to yourself at 1am, no know what assignments you have due until after you've failed and work all summer, ask then in September why she's not had a chance to go somewhere nice... Not speak to strangers... Not cook... Not shop...

I'm familiar with the "someone else's idea of better" argument. I'm proud of the fact that she cuts her own hair, unpairs socks to put different colours on, has quirky humour reminiscent of a 5-year old's insights, and prouder still that these are her personal solutions to traumatic experiences, of bullying and shaming from every direction starting with her own mum. But my heart sinks that left to her own devices, she'll suffer. When things go well, she steps into the light asking for ordinary, beautiful things that many of us experiences - travel, sport, love - but more often than not she buries these deep, to not think on the unachievable, and the result? She doesn't think on how she might actually achieve them. Dreams never become plans, that's what bothers me.