Panicking about family event and confrontation

[Pinklady871]

next weekend it’s my twin nephews birthday and I don’t want to go because my mum will be there.

2 years ago my mum’s dog attacked my daughter and she ended up in a&e. My mum turned it around to be about her and didn’t come and see my daughter at all afterwards. She sent me abusive messages and I ended up having no contact. A year later my brother unexpectedly and tragically died in a car accident. I saw my mum and she was devastated as we all were. I did have some contact for While but then she didn’t contact me and I didn’t really want to contact her and it just stopped.

it’s been 6 months now and I know she’s going to be at my nephews party. I know she will play the victim (which she is as she’s lost her son) but I just don’t want to see her. I do feel guilty for not being able to be there for her after she lost my brother but it’s very tragic and I have been struggling myself too.

she continues to send birthday and Christmas cards for my daughters but has ignored my birthday and didn’t put myself or my husband on the Christmas card she sent. She’s very passive aggressive and always turns everything to be about her.

I hate confrontation and she knows it. I don’t know what to do next week.

any advice welcome

Just be yourself. Be polite but focus on others there at the party.

Do you get in well with your sibling who is the parent of your nephews? If you do maybe they would be happy for you to pop round for a while before the other guests arrive so you can give the children their gifts and spend a bit of time with them. Then hopefully be gone before your mum arrives.

I wouldn’t go. See your nephews another time when she isn’t there. You can do without this shit.

I am with @Manyandyoucanwalkover but I’m also a people pleaser so I’d probably end up going.

Being a “people pleaser” means doing things that inconvenience, hurt or damage yourself and your family, just because you have a sense of obligation towards people who don’t care about you and wouldn’t do the same for you, or you’re too weak to say no. It isn’t a healthy way to be and it’s worth working on this to get out of the habit.