Worry about my kids

[longpathtohappiness]

When will the worrying stop? And why doesn't DH worry in the same way. It's just not fair. My DD is really depressed at the moment and it hurts like a knife to my heart

I honestly don't know why some DHs just don't worry about their own DC. It completely baffles me.

Is your DD getting any help?

Op my lovely the worry will never stop. I worry about my 4 kids all the time.
DH"s worry less I suppose. But I jave to say my dh worries too.

My parents (68 and 63) say they worry about my sister and I (35 and 32) more now then they did when we were little 🤣

Definitely still worry about my DDs (42 and 38). Never stops.

It’s so hard isn’t it? I’ve spent the whole weekend worrying about my DD25, and the reason was fairly normal life stuff, nothing health related. I have one child and really admire those of you who have to juggle the worries of several.

DD has just left for work when she starts at 3pm, it is a 30 min commute! My brain is on overdrive wondering why she is leaving so early (not in a nosey way, in a I'm worried about her way) - the worry is driving me nuts. As I've said before, DH does not worry about anything so all on me... and frankly it is starting to make me ill

It never ends OP and I worry more now than I ever did. DH might worry a bit but it quickly passes but with me it’s there constantly.
It’s heartbreaking when your dc are upset or struggling. Hope all is ok.

OP - from your other thread it seems your DH is in poor health and doesn't look after himself. I think you should cut the man some slack as clearly all is not rosy in his head.

Worrying about our adult children is self indulgence (which I'm sometimes guilty of). Just because dads tend to be less vocal about their concerns doesn't mean they don't care about their grown kids. They're just more pragmatic and realise we have to let go.

Let's try and do that.

Worrying is only helpful when it prompts you to action, to solve a problem, make a change, tackle the issue you are worrying about.

When we worry about things we can’t change, or we worry but don’t act on it, that can become really unhealthy. It means your body is in a sort of fight or flight state but with no release and no end, and that will take a toll on you.

I know it is easier said than done but for your own health and mental well-being you need to find ways to step back from this sort of unhelpful worrying. I think sometimes there is a temptation for us to almost embrace our worrying about loved ones, we may lean into it because worrying is a constant reminder to ourselves just how much we care. But the act of worrying isn’t helping them, and it is harming you. I think you need to try to find other ways to show , or to feel that love, in a more positive, healthy way.

part of that is perhaps letting them know you are always there for them, and then trusting them to know and to feel able to reach out to you when they feel they need you.

I worry about mine more now than when they were little. I need to find a way to step back because it’s really impacting my health and wellbeing. OH just doesn’t worry in the same way I do. He seems to spend no time thinking about them really, but if he has it under his nose, he does worry. I spend a lot more time communicating with them than he does so he is out of the loop I suppose. He doesn’t use his mobile much so it’s always me who picks up their calls or messages them.

I feel like I lurch from one crisis to the next. The last few months I have been completely derailed by their issues. Really don’t know how to cope better, but I need to find a way.

I’m in the same situation OP. I worry too much about my kids but DH doesn’t and I worry more now than even in the teenage years which were quite turbulent with DD.

I agree that worrying doesn’t help them or me and I have to find a way to step back from it but I haven’t yet been able to do this yet. I just find it unbearable if they are suffering.

Yes, I really resonate with this. I am worried all the time about one or other of them.

You never stop worrying about your children.

I'm 56 and my dad id 90. He still worries about me.

I miss my mum and dad worrying about me. Its shit when they are gone. No one worries about you the same.

Never, I'm afraid. The umbilical cord is always there. My dd was in an abusive relationship for over a year-my heart was breaking every day.

I read you can only ever be as happy as your unhappiest child and its so true. Watching them hurt is pure agony.

I worry more about DS17 now than ever. I wonder if the menopause is contributing towards it. I've never had anxiety like this. It's got to the point when I dread the next text as I'm constantly worried it will be bad news! He's abroad which doesn't help. If I could see him face to face I think I'd worry less. The distance is hard.

A fact of life.
All good parents will worry about their kids, more so when they are younger and when they start out. The worry varies but it never goes away

When I was young - via work I'd meet parents in the 80's worry re their kids who were around the age of 60

It's a fact of life for caring parents.

Worry is big when things are not going well, or one is unwell or sets out to do something new

You are not alone OP and trust me, when you are a hundred and kids 80, you will still worry about them at times - its human nature

Once they are adults certainly above 23 or so, there is no need to keep worrying. I mean you went through things your parents knew nothing about surely ?
But if you can keep r gaged with them and support them, great but not pointless worrying

Umm.. I assume your kids have always been happy and well then. You are lucky.

It seems to be bigger problems the older they get.
DD currently in the middle of a health scare. Waiting for tests and results and it’s awful. If only I could switch it off.

My dad told me when I had my first baby ‘you’ll never be worry-free again’. How right he was! He was speaking with the voice of experience- he died last year at 89, still worrying about his three kids in their 60s! He didn’t worry in the same way as my mum did, but it was always there. I tried to shield them from what I was going through as I got older but I’m not sure that worked - they filled in the gaps with things to worry about!

i have three DC, late 20s- early 30s. The eldest is my main source of worry as she doesn’t have a partner to worry about her. The other two have lovely partners who look after them pretty well. Aware that can change though!

To cope with the worry I keep myself busy with my own life, I only know what they want me to know (I don’t dig for info), and I try to trust that I raised three functioning adults who can stand on their own two feet. I also keep working so I have funds to help support them if they need it, and to treat them. In the end though I suppose I have to accept that I’ll always worry because I will always love them to an insane degree. Just like my darling dad.