Sad daughter

[Monica53]

Hu
our Dd is home for a few days , having lives with her BF since leaving Uni , however had fallen out and not sure If one of them calling it a day (he wanted space to think) however our Dd suffers from ai/depression after bad bullying in teens , is now on sick from work ? Upset as she has no friends , doesn’t have degree , (she is working in nhs and a good job) and hates her life and herself ? I’m still working FT from home ! and my head is now bashed ! Advice and suggestions to help guide her through this period and out the other end be that with BF or on her own ? Suggestions for making friends et. I had heard of an app called Bumble friends? Thanks 😊

I don't have much time to reply now but hopefully this will bump for you

I would urge her to engage with therapy, if I were you @Monica53. I have a sibling with clinical depression and she resisted therapy for decades, convinced it couldn't help her. Finally, in her 40s, suicidal and desperate, she relented and while it hasn't been a magic bullet, it has helped a lot. If only she had agreed to therapy and found a good therapist in her 20s I feel her life could've turned out very differently. As it is, she carried around her horrendous mental baggage for decades and it has blighted her life.

If your DD was badly bullied as a teen she is carrying a lot of trauma, probably has low self esteem and maybe a good deal of self loathing. It's really important that she addresses those things now and learns ways to break the negative thought spirals before they become a way of life.

Plus, she needs to learn resilience - just because she had a hideous time as a teen it doesn't mean that adult life is going to be plain sailing. Relationships can be tough to navigate, working FT and supporting yourself is stressful. Any tools she can gain to help her deal with those normal, but difficult, aspects of life will help her enormously.

Thankyou @cheezncrackers - her manager at work had put an Occ health referral in for support for her. She has seen GP. Also her BF just said needs space still , they were out this evening at prearranged art workshop thing - though she said they didn’t really discuss things. They’re going for a coffee on Friday afternoon and walk so hopefully they can iron things out , in meantime spending her time in her room in bed 😩

Tomorrow I may suggest her calling well-being service at my work as family can use as well.

I also read recently that loneliness in 20+ now is rising ? I’m doing research for her - she is aware , regards groups /activities to make friends .

Thankyou for support

@CadyEastman Thankyou 😊

I'm not surprised her head is all over the place. It's totally not fair on her for him to say he needs space and then seeing her twice in a week.

Woukd she be willing to go out with you later, maybe a coffee or swimming? She needs something to try and distract her as thinking about him and being with him doesn't seem to be doing her any good at all.

@CadyEastman totally not fair on her ! I’m now getting annoyed at him! He knows what she is like and twice he’s said needs space ! What the hell! - hoping she’ll go out with her dad for a drive today at least ?

I’ve suggested she comes to my gym for a taster session ? not sure she’s up for that though .

Im quietly upset for her ! and annoyed ! Plus concerned about her as expected as she has no girlfriend support which itself breaks my heart for her 😢. Fingers crossed for a positive outcome at weekend x

Distraction, whatever she is interested in and if you can afford it take her out do stuff together make her realise that the world is a wonderful place again

I would say forget about friends for now, that naturally comes.

From past experience when i made "friends" when i had no confidence or self worth i didn't particularly draw the worthwhile friendships, more toxic drama or people using me to give them that rush of control and stroke their ego.

Out of all the therapy i tried..group therapy was the best. I was reluctant due to being an introvert and having no friends, but being supported on how to navigate that dynamic helped me learn ways to understand positive flags in social settings and improved my ability to interact.

Also hobbies, nurturing interests ect. Something to focus my mind outside of work and people. Something for me, that i could express myself in. My mum did a handhold initially and joined me on these pursuits.

Whatever transpires with the bf will always hit her harder when it seems her life is focused around him. With low self esteem and confidence i find you become a horrendous critic of yourself.

Also self care, bit of pampering. A massage, spa getaway, nails, haircut. Its not about feeling better but more about the act of doing something kind for yourself.

Finding this to be the hardest stage of parenting so far. So worried about my DD who will be 22 soon.

Do you want to tell us a bit more about your DD and the struggles you're experiencing?

Hi
Thankyou for joining advice , not sure what’s happening? I’m trying not to stress and leave it to them to sort out ? Told her to be careful and not put up with any rubbish etc ……. I’ll /we’ll be there to support.

also trying to get her to do a trial at gym I go to for a month , I’m paying for trial and see if that helps her mood at least ?

im also hoping she takes on suggestion of 121 counselling she can get through my work .

Parenting of adult kids is harder than or just different again from teens 😬 omg