Setting boundaries or being controlling?

[PrairieDawn101]

I honestly need your opinions. I have three adult DC living at home while studying. They have part time jobs but only cover their own expenses, as studying is the priority (by my choice). They do small amounts around the house etc, but I don’t expect a lot. I do however feel I have the right to ask that they not go out until 4am and be home by a reasonable time. This is because I work full time and don’t sleep well when they are out, so feel it is ok for me to ask them to be home. Am I being controlling? I know this is “my issue” but as it is “my house” am I ok to expect this? I don’t have good parenting role models IRL to ask. Thanks.

Splinters from sitting on the fence here...when adult dd is staying at home, I don't settle well until she's back if out clubbing or whatever. I realise this is a me problem as when she's back at her own home, she's probably out till all hours, and I don't know, so don't worry. So the most I expect is that she comes in quietly, doesn't leave a mess I'm the kitchen, and switches fire off etc before bed. But I don't have to be up for work, so you have more skin in the game.

Not making noise and disturbing people when coming in at 4am I totally understand

Just because you choose not to sleep yes is controlling

Thank you for replying- and for being honest. Glad I am not the only anxious one!

Thank you! Appreciate your honestly. The worst offender is also messy and quite disrespectful about cleaning up after herself and being quiet, so that probably is blurring my vision somewhat.

I found it really helped to just ask them to text me to say they were home, so that should I wake I could check, but wasn't waiting for them. It was transformational for me, but they generally come in quietly. Being noisy would be a deal breaker.

Thank you. I think it was the noisy vomiting and unexpected friend in the lounge that triggered me to lose my cool over it. But a blanket rule seems to be wrong too.

I think that it's not fair to ask them to be home early just because of your anxiety.

But I don't think you're unreasonable to demand they're quiet when they do get in.

When my adult children are back from uni we have had this discussion too. Both of us work, but both of them also work non typical hours, so were coming in late at night making sausage sandwiches and turning lights on etc. Obviously couldn't go on. So now they are more mindful of coming in quietly and not cooking (pick something up on the way home) we don't hear a peep, and in return we don't wake them in the morning when we get up and ready for work.

Thank you I do appreciate all these replies and that you have been gentle with me! I think some of the problem too is my DH attitude (he is older and less tolerant LOL) so I feel like it is a balancing act all round.
Adult children at home are hard!

I personally don't think it's fair to ask them to be in by a certain time. They are young adults and part of that means having the freedom to come and go as they please. However I definitely don't thinks it's unfair to ask them to be respectful that you are asleep and to be quiet. Being woken by people vomiting, stomping about in the early hours is not on.
Part of learning to be an adult is to be considerate of others, so I would put my food down over the noise but definitely not insist they be in by a certain time.

Not making noise and disturbing you is perfectly reasonable.

Being in by a certain time is not.
Sorry.

Thank you all. Have had a very productive conversation with household and hopefully now they can be free to come and go as well as respecting others in the house.