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Parents of adult children

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concerned about my almost 21 year old

4 replies

Bargello · 11/01/2024 22:43

Where to start... My eldest has always been a quirky child. Always struggled with social skills and friendships, but super bright. He is currently in his third year at university studying a science subject, living at home.

He was diagnosed with dyspraxia in his first year at university. Awful writing, 4 attempts to pass his driving test, issues with tying shoelaces, organising himself. About 9 months he was also diagnosed with ADD. He finds it very difficult to focus and stay on task.

His last year at school and first year at uni were an absolute shitshow because of Covid. He started uni in autumn 2021 and the entire year was online, he was only in about twice for labs. He found this incredibly difficult and isolating. 2nd and 3rd year better, he's in person at uni for most lessons but still finding it hard to make friends and get into uni life. He has joined several societies for things which interest him (board games, space etc) and enjoys those evenings when they are running. Out of term time though he is still very isolated and can spend days without leaving the house - even with encouragement. He saw the GP today after becoming concerned about his mental health, depression, anxiety. He finds it very difficult to voice what is bothering him. He feels intense pressure to succeed and is worrying he has not done as well as he'd like in his exams.

GP has referred him to a psych nurse who will be in touch and he has a follow up with the GP in a week. He also has an appointment with the uni's disability and wellbeing service next week. He has been asked to think about trying medication for the ADHD, possibly antidepressants.

I'm really worried about him, not sure how best to support him in getting better and what to suggest to improve things. Routine is important for him so we are trying to encourage getting up at a regular time, and maybe finding some volutneering to do at a weekend as he has done this in the past and enjoyed it.

Not sure what I'm looking for really. I just want him to be happy and settled.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 12/01/2024 06:57

Is there anything he can do out of Uni, rather than in Uni, such as a chess club? Try and get him a social life that’s not connected to Uni.

Bargello · 12/01/2024 07:56

Thank you for your reply. This is something we are working on. He used to volunteer on a saturday in a charity shop and enjoyed it and we are encouraging him to take that up again. He is most definitely not a gigs/clubbing/pub person.

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AnOldCynic · 12/01/2024 08:07

Is he doing any reading around the subject of ADD and possibly autism? Understanding himself and why he is feeling that way could really help him. When you realise that others experience life in the same way you do it helps you feel less alone.

It may be right that his depression is medicated for a while just as a support to get him back on track with accepting himself and give him enough back to look for activities etc that he would enjoy?

Bargello · 12/01/2024 08:21

I suspect he has autistic traits too. I don't think he has formal support from others "like him", but many of his friends are neurodiverse in one way or another though. I am pretty sure there must be some sort of support group or similar for those students which I will encourage him to investigate.

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