Feel like a bad mum 😔

[Lisalulabelle]

Single parent of 2 adult kids. Son 24, daughter 19, both still at home and both harder work now than they ever were as babies or children
Son has anxiety and anger issues, is lonely, no circle of friends and relies heavily on me
Daughter is lazy, seems to hate me, doesn't communicate with me and if we do talk I inevitably end up as the bad guy, whatever the conversation. Anything I say to either of them to try to help always seems wrong, so alot of the time we're all in separate rooms not communicating at all. Their dad is around but is so removed from the day to day life of either of them he has no clue what's going on, and doesn't particularly seem to care either. Not sure what advice I'm after here, just needed somewhere to get things off my chest as I regularly lie in bed crying over things, and feeling like I've failed them and failed at being a good mum. All I want is for them to be happy and I feel like I'm usually the reason they're not 😔

I know how you feel, my two (aged 21 and 23) are always in their rooms, they don't like each other and always avoid each other so trying to do things as a family never really happens. Neither of them has a social life (well apart from online gaming). I just feel they are wasting their lives and will be living in their rooms forever! No advice really I'm afraid, just wanted to say you're not alone in feeling like this. I also feel more worried about them and their future now than I ever did when they were younger. It definitely gets harder, not easier!

what are are your children’s goals?

I know one couple that solved similar problems by announcing their intention to downsize in 3 years and move to a different part of the country. The downsizing would release enough for a small flat purchase deposit, but of course they would need to be ready to apply for a mortgage.

This somewhat galvinised their children into having a goal and working towards it.

It is very difficult. Young people have had a few years of Covid ‘meh’ followed by relentless news about increasing taxes and housing crises.

I can understand you being upset @Lisalulabelle

What help has your DS sought for his anxiety and anger?

Are they both working too?

I’m totally with you, I think having teenagers/young people is so much harder than any other stage.