Messy DS how much would you overlook?

[Austrianmilk]

DS is almost 19 and started uni this September just gone and still lives at home. All in all a good kid who is polite and very thoughtful but wow he is untidy. His bedroom can literally look like an explosion within a very short space of time which drives my DH mad.
He never makes his bed, will chuck empty chocolate wrappers on the floor and has to be moaned at to hang clothes up etc
DH and I fall out regularly about this. I am more of the opinion that there's far worse things he could be getting up to whereas DH goes crazy and complains about it constantly.
Who is right in this scenario? Should my son be more mindful or should we regard it as "his space and just close the door and ignore ?

Why are you in your adult son’s bedroom. DD is the same age, in the same year of uni, lives at home and her bedroom often looks like someone set a bomb off, I see your son’s mess and raise you teen girls make up. I just don’t go in there and don’t allow any food upstairs.

If he is respectful of the shared areas of the house I think I’d largely leave him to his pit. I certainly wouldn’t be cleaning it or doing his laundry. However I would be on him hard if he left the kitchen, bathroom or other rooms in a state.

Does he does his fair share around the house?

If it's just in his room, leave it alone. If he were living away, it would be the same. Why does it matter if his room is a mess? He's the only one who spends time in there and it doesn't bother him.

It is your ds's space.
No reason for your dh to even go in there, that I can see.
Leave him be, as long as he leaves shared spaces clean.

I have two 30+ year old sons living with me at the moment......you can hardly walk across their bedroom floors🤷‍♀️ I consider it their space, nothing to do with me, just keep their doors closed if I have visitors😂

It doesn't sound like a big deal. I assume neither you or your DH wash or iron his clothes, so if he doesn't hang them up then it's his problem.

Things that would bother me...

Bedding not being changed regularly. I think weekly is good but a compromise of fortnightly or even monthly (if he showers regularly) I could cope with. Teenage boys can be stinky though so weekly bedding change is probably best.

Food left to go mouldy.

Spills on carpet/furniture not being cleaned up.

Bin not being emptied.

Accumulation of plates and cutlery.

Mess is annoying but not a health hazard, so I would be happy to just shut the door and not look!

Though to be fair I was a messy cow as a teenager. My bedding hardly ever got changed (but I did shower every day and washed my hair every other day as I had greasy hair which would have been embarrassing if I'd not washed it).

I also remember leaving cups with about a centimetre of hot chocolate at the bottom in my room for a few days. I think I mostly took them downstairs before it was an issue but once I left it too long and there were white lumps in the cup and it smelt really bad. I was quite embarrassed about this, so waited until everyone was out before bringing it downstairs and cleaning it. I never left a cup that long ever again! So maybe if he does leave stuff in his room too long it might teach him something?

Thanks to all that has replied. It would appear that you agree with me in that it is my DS's space and to leave him to it. I do however do his laundry and he does hang it up/put it away. It's the dirty stuff on the floor that stinks which my DH moans about. I've told DH to just shut the door and ignore it but he can't resist checking DS's room on a daily basis once he's left for uni. It's causing arguments and driving me mad!

Unless DS is ND I would stop doing jos laundry. If he was away at Uni, he'd be doing his own laundry anyway.

DH does need to keep the fire shut and DS might need a little hay about cleaning his room a little more often.