Adult son money problems

[Breakingpoint1961]

Bailed him out many times, but still continues to rack up debts. He's depressed but functions to go to work. I am at my wits end, letters coming through all the time. He doesn't pay keep at the moment as I thought I'd let him off to sort stuff out (which he hasn't been) but I'm totally fed up and bogged down by it.

Should I ask for keep (because I'm on my own and can't afford to keep him) and let him rack his debts up and deal with them himself? He doesn't listen to a word I say

And through all of this @Breakingpoint1961 you're still struggling financially with him not contributing and I imagine that you're struggling emotionally with watching him addicted and in debt.

He may well have a reason that he's unhappy but he's got to be willing to address the issue, start to heal and stop the drugs.

Unless he's willing to help himself, nothing is going to improve for you or him and you e got to decide how long you're willing to pay to keep him in your home.

Sit down with him and work out a plan.

Oncoming, outgoings and repayment of debts.

Can you take the money off him and pay everything and give him back any remaining while he gets back on his feet ?

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto he has seen the GP for a repeat prescription. The counselling he has been referred for. I spoke with Openroad (which Adfam directs me to) a while ago, they were very very kind, helpful, and genuinely made me feel better. Unfortunately due to their hours of work, my son could not take advantage of their resources. I should probably go back now and get some support for me, thank you for that because in all of this I'm losing myself.

@Maddy70 I have tried that, he's very coy about what he wants to tell/show me. He is embarrassed/ashamed and feels like a loser (his words) so to confront all those things with his Mum must be very difficult for him.

Yes. I have been there with my son too. But you do have to insist. He will get over the embarrassment

I should probably go back now and get some support for me, thank you for that because in all of this I'm losing myself.

You definitely need support

he's very coy about what he wants to tell/show me. He is embarrassed/ashamed and feels like a loser (his words) so to confront all those things with his Mum must be very difficult for him.

I know I keep coming back to this but is he definitely NT?

Could he speak to step change? They are brilliant at working out what's best to do in such a situation, not the drugs of course but the money.

@Maddy70 you're right, I do, thank you for sharing you've had a similar experience.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto I've never ever considered ASD/ADHD etc because I've never thought he'd displayed any 'symptoms' however, you've made me think now, and I will look into it.

@determinedtomakethiswork I haven't spoken to Stepchange yet, a PP has mentioned it up thread, thank you for your response.

Borrowed 30k for grown up son to sort out his debts as he became mentally ill and as he has two children now he asking me for more he treats me like something u have stepped in he was meant to do jobs round house but never does them if I stop helping him I will not get to c grandchildren and he will stop paying me the money for his loan I am so depressed and angry with myself I do nothing but help but get treated like crap