Do you ever feel like a failure?

[Caranica]

For context: I love my children more than anything in this world but I know that I failed them. If I could turn time I would, and I would make different decisions but I can't.
I'm so proud of them, and I marvel how different they are and how they support each other nontheless. There are days when I am beaming with pride and joy, and other days when I realise the damage they carry and I can't help but feel sadness and guilt.
Then there is the other part. I look at them and what they have achieved, and I feel so embarrassed about my own lack of achievement. The only thing they ever saw me do was tolerate the abuse at the hands of their father. As I said I can't turn back time, and I'll be fine again tomorrow. But sometimes I wonder if other people feel the same when they look back

Some of the very best people I know are the adult children of abusive men. I'm sure yours are too.

Very mum has guilt. In your case the actual fault was someone else's.

Thank you. It was both of our faults though

If he was the abusive one, I believe it was his fault. We all know how desperately hard it is to leave. Most women don't leave at the first sign. If you would forgive them, forgive yourself.

Everyone brings something different to parenting. It is not your fault if your partner brought abusiveness. IME the whole experience is made so much worse by the court's insistence that children have contact with their fathers regardless. The only outcome in that situation is for mother's to feel depressed and constantly conflicted. Building a life which isn't all dependant on your children has been the way forward for me but everyone is different. Good wishes.