How to stop worrying about safety of adult daughter

[beryl27]

Adult DD has lived alone in a city some distance away for little. She's very happy, and I am for her, however I find myself worrying more and more about her safety especially if she's out at night and it's late or dark. I find myself checking sm to see when she was last active, texting repeatedly to make sure she is safely at home, and have even phoned v late at night if she doesn't reply. She's been very understanding (I've always been a worrier) but I do need to stop as I know that it's not healthy for me, her, and our relationship. How do I do this?

I think you'll have to go cold Turkey. Turn off find my iPhone or whatever means you are using to check on her and let her know that you'll wait for her to contact you - I'm sure she'll welcome it

I also think probably cold Turkey, I absolutely understand how you feel but it'll be so much better for her (and actually for you)

So hard OP.I have two DDs living away from home, I know how you feel!
But it’s truly no news is good news. They soon ring if they need anything!
Why don’t you try arranging an agreed time to communicate for example every Saturday at 2pm and once in the week, then switch or checkers on her off!!

Thanks for the replies. We're in daily contact as a family, always sending silly messages or pictures of the pets. That is definitely something we all are happy to continue. The panic about her safety is the bigger issue for me, especially as she lives alone and there is no one at home who would realise that she hadn't got back late at night. Women alone at night are so vulnerable. I really do need to calm down and stop checking, but it's so hard!

Why don't you have a conversation with her about it? Whether she would like to you to check and what safety measures she already takes?

I still struggle with worry about my 20 year old DD. She lives at home and when she's out at night I worry about her if it gets really late. If I've woken up at 3am and she's not home and been off sm for a few hours I can completely convince myself that something terrible has happened. So I lie here heart thumping trying really hard not to call her ( because she's 20 and doesn't need her mum phoning her up when she's out with her mates) but god its hard. It's easier said than done to chill out about it and go back sleep...