Youngest son moving out today.

[caringcarer]

I've got 3 DC. My eldest, DD left for Uni got a job there and never came back to live. She married, bought her house, had children and built her life there. She is 120 miles away from me. My eldest DS bought his house 2 years ago. He moved 150 miles away to a different branch for work where he could afford to buy a house. Hes since got a promotion, has a good job and gf there and I see him every 4-5 weeks as he comes down to his old work branch so sleeps over for 1 night. My youngest son has saved really hard but we live in a more expensive area so we've helped him out as he is buying one of my btl houses and we let him keep a big chunk of the equity so to boost his deposit so he can afford the mortgage. I've helped him set the house up with a new kitchen, new laminate and carpets. I woke up early today and felt strange. I've been lying in our bedroom listening to the rain and 💬 Ng about everything. DH got up and they went to collect the removal van. One of his friends arrived and all 3 of them are up and down the stairs carrying his bed, sofa, TV and so many boxes. I feel strange. I'm very happy for him but it will be odd with none of my DC living at home. DS will only be 4 miles away from us and says he's coming back on lasagne night for dinner. DH, is their Step Dad but has brought him up from 7 years old with me and they are very close. He says we have done well as all DC have a job, a house, don't smoke, or take drugs and all have very good relationships with us both and each other. Last month we finally paid off our mortgage and it seems everything is changing at once.

Have no experience of this but just sending you a massive hug OP. It must be very strange and odd to be going through this. I'm sure your children will always come back to you, and remember, you were the first person they ever really knew. You've done a good job in making them independent x

It’s a big change, a new chapter. I would make some plans for things for you to do with your DH. Plus lasagne night sounds great, I would come back for that! You did a good job of raising functioning healthy adults.

My DS will leave home in about a year probably, he is 22 and saving for a house deposit. He has a lovely GF and a decent career earning quite a good amount for his age, it’s a degree apprenticeship so zero student debt. I would love it is he stays local but both DH and I live hundreds of miles from where we grew up and we both moved for work reasons so I do understand why people move away.

I know that I will miss him I really will. He stayed over at his girlfriends a lot over the last year which sort of helped me get used to the idea. She has just moved back in with her parents so she can save as well.

Raising your children to have standards in life, and to be able to have loving relationships and friendships and to be a useful functioning member of society is the greatest gift you can give them. Seems like you and their Dad did a very good job.

It is hard work to try and fill that empty nest, but it pays off after a while

Aww this made me feel really emotional! Sending love OP, big changes can be unsettling but try be positive about your new norm🥰

DH has booked us a cruise going all around places in Europe for end of October. I think he's trying to take my mind off of my son moving out. All my DC have very good friends and are outgoing. I know I'm being ridiculous as he's not moving far away and I'll see him often but I can't stop the feeling I have. I didn't feel like this when other 2 DC moved out and they went to live miles away. DS 2 is going to be less than 4 miles away. DH says it is just the realisation they are all grown up now. DS2 and his partner are coming down tomorrow dropping in on the way to their holiday but we are all going out for a meal with DS2 to celebrate his moving into his house. They have taken 1 van full of stuff over now, and they are going to unpack it then come back for the rest.

This is sad OP, but it’s the natural way. Horrible as it sounds, you WILL get used to it, and it’ll be so nice when they visit!

However, I did notice you seem to have assisted the younger one financially in a way that you didn’t seem to have assisted the older two. Maybe I misunderstood, but it might be hurtful to them if they realise this.

But enjoy your home with your husband, and have a lovely cruise!

I helped them all with 10 percent deposits on the houses they chose but DS 2 did get more as the area we live in is more expensive and he couldn't afford the mortgage in our area where his job and friends are with less help. The other 2 know and are ok with it. DS 2 will just inherit a little bit less. I help them all out if they need it. Last year I bought DD a second hand but nice car as hers broke and she needs one for work. I also helped her pay 2 DGS's nursery fees as they were so high. I helped DS1 with furniture and decorating costs for his house and paid for him to do class 1 lorry driving course and exam so he could get his promotion going from driving class 2 to class 1 lorries. Both me and DH, their stepdad, gifts them £500 each twice a year under gifting so each DC gets £2k a year help. All 3 will inherit quite a bit from a trust we have set up so money can't be taken from them. We have worked hard over the years and built up a good business together and are now comfortable. I retired early, almost 6 years ago and DH will also retire early when he's 60. He wants to keep working for now but only for another 14 months. We both have really good pensions. Then we will still be young and healthy enough to go on more holidays together. I did speak to both DD and DS1 before I suggested giving DS2 £60k to help his deposit. They were both pleased for their brother and thought it was a good idea my DH had. It will all balance out in the end as I'm leaving a 3 bedroom house to my 2dgs's with my DD having a lifetime interest in it. We have a holiday home in France in trust they will jointly inherit too. DD and her family use it far more than DS's. We also have 10 btl houses with very little mortgage on them and some are mortgage free. These are in the trust fund.

You sound like great parents and you have great kids. I'm sure it's hard to see them fly the nest but at least you can be proud of how well they are doing. Maybe go visit them ones further away more, a weekend every other month for each and I'm sure they visit. My parents did this when we all moved away and we get a lot more meaningful time together

Just to say i totally hear you op

However much people say well done you've raised independant adults it's still a big milestone when the last one leaves.
My youngest moved home after uni, then moved out for six months, back again, then left for another year (all issues due to lockdown and renting).
I wasn't expecting hime to come back after that but he did and it was like a little bonus. He's now moved 60 miles away with his lovely girlfriend. I see him about every six weeks when he comes and stays for a weekend.
Eldest lives half an hour away and comes home for Sunday dinner.

Eventually you get used to it. I have lots of hobbies and interests but life still isn't as full of fun as it was with children at home.