Concerned About Son’s Driving

[Evenstar]

Our 20 year old passed his driving test during COVID and so didn’t drive a lot straight away and crucially had no opportunity to drive friends around and living in an urban area didn’t drive on more dangerous rural roads.

Eighteen months we are visiting him in the very rural area he lives in now for work and after being in his car this evening we are really shocked at the deterioration in his hazard perception and excessive speed. We did ask him to slow down but he wasn’t listening.

DH and I feel we must speak to him tomorrow about his driving, but wondered how best to approach it without him reacting badly and being determined not to change his ways.

Any personal experiences or tips on having this conversation would be really appreciated. TIA

Not sure I can help but thought I'd bump
for you.

In the cold light of day nowhere near a car maybe just say what you've said here. That you are worried for him and want him to be safe. Practice makes perfect and if he hasn't had the chance to practise much then it's understandable.

Hmmmmm it’s a difficult one.

nobody likes to be criticised however id maybe start the conversation with, I just want to say this because we love you, but last night me and dad were scared in the car. I felt you were driving a bit too fast and you didn’t spot that xyz until it was nearly too late. I’m worried you might have an accident and I don’t want you to get hurt but also know how important your car is for you life up here now your in a rural area and don’t want your insurance to go up

maybe if you take the safety and money/keeping his freedom tact he might be more receptive but other than try to tell him in a non confrontational way I’m not sure what you can do

Tbh I wouldn't beat about the bush and I'd have said something at the time..."FFS DS, slow down, we're not at a rally!"

He will no doubt be defensive and claim he is a safe driver who sticks within the speed limits etc even though he doesn't, but I do think its worth a chat. Driving is a big responsibility and driving without due care he risks getting himself and others injured (or worse), losing his license or even a police record. Honestly the amount of people who are careless behind the wheel of a heavy, metal machine that can do a tonne of damage is genuinely quite scary.

IME many young men drive like this, until experience teaches them not to. I’m sure I read somewhere that it’s due to the brain not being fully matured until mid 20s.

I would be blunt and refuse to let him drive you anywhere. Tell him he goes too fast and without due care and attention, and you’re not risking your lives by allowing him to drive you.

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts, DH by chance had a perfect opportunity today as he and DS saw a display on road safety at an event we were attending. He had a chat with him, so hoping that it will make him think a bit more about his driving.

You're right to be concerned. Bad driving kills, and perfectly normal young male daftness becomes lethal if combined with half a ton of metal.

Look into black box insurance - this sort of thing: https://www.4youngdrivers.co.uk/insurance/black-box-insurance-for-new-drivers.htm

@SusiePevensie he did have that, but unfortunately they sent a replacement that didn’t work and he has been waiting for another, I am sure it will help when he has the new one installed.

Please stay on top of this and don’t assume one conversation will help. The statistics for young men and car crashes are horrific (so much so that I’m inclined to think people under 25 shouldn’t even be driving really).

The fact of the matter is that he needs to slow down and be aware not just for his own safety, but for those around him. A ton of speeding metal is lethal.

I find it really concerning that you asked him to slow down while you were in the car and he didn’t listen…

It was very concerning, but he has since taken an Advanced Driving Course through work and at Christmas DH went out with him a few times and felt he had improved considerably. We are a long way from where he lives so not in a position to drive with him regularly, but hope that the improvement is permanent.