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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Dilemma

11 replies

Jojoleo · 20/07/2023 08:19

I've been a lone parent since late 1990s. Kids are in late 20s. They act like a tag team and always have - one gets xxssed off with me for no reason and the other takes over when the first one starts talking to me again.
Lst 2 weeks is was DD - I was too tired to give her a lift so i was called everything under the sun. She started talking to me last night.
In between those 2 weeks, DS has been a great help with a renovation project on a rental property. He moved back home 3 days ago and was living with his GF the previous days. They're still together. I think he just wants to be home for a few weeks.
He smokes weed every night but goes for a walk when doing so as I hate the smell. But the smell still lingers in the house e.g. when I woke up this morning but I don't smell it when he gets back after his walk as I'm usually fast asleep.
DD's bedroom is right next to son's bedroom so she got woken up last night and seemingly swore at DS loudly.
Am I biting my nose to spite my face if I were to talk to DS about the smell? I know he's going to feel like I'm a tyrant for bringing this up, no matter how nicely I say it. He's going to say - so you're talking to her now and that's why you're bringing this up....after all the help I gave you etc. etc.

Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated. I'm thinking of letting it pass for a week, so he realises DD and I are now on talking terms and bring it up then or might just leave it as he'll probably go back to GF's house in a couple of weeks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jojoleo · 20/07/2023 08:22

DD got woken up with the smell.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jojoleo · 20/07/2023 08:24

DD wants me to 'have a chat with him'.

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 20/07/2023 08:26

I think you are letting your adult children walk all over you.
They sound like a pair of nasty bullies and you sound scared of them

SeulementUneFois · 20/07/2023 08:26

You need to lay down the law with your daughter. Calling you everything under the sun is not acceptable - if she can't behave decently you can tell her to move out.

2chocolateoranges · 20/07/2023 08:27

this Sounds like a highly dysfunctional way of living, They both treat you like shit and you walk on eggshells talking to them.

your house your rules!

ssd · 20/07/2023 08:34

Stop being the underdog. Stop being scared of their reactions. Stop letting them bully you. Stop raising a pair of entitled narcissists.

Tell them both to move the fuck out.

Stratocumulus · 20/07/2023 08:40

YOU are the parent. Be a parent and discipline your awful bully kids. Stay out of their juvenile squabbles.

Give them a deadline to move out. Why should you have to put up with a dope head and an entitled daughter?

We all, in every phase of life (child or adult) have to live by boundaries and rules. At home, in the workplace, at the sports club, in the street, at the night club. It’s called discipline.

For goodness sake mother, as suggested above, “your house, your rules.”

Ragwort · 20/07/2023 08:44

They both need to leave home .. imagine how calm and peaceful your life would be without them in it it ... they are treating you horribly and with no respect.

MadeForThis · 20/07/2023 08:54

Your ds is smoking in the house during the night. You need to deal with that.

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/07/2023 08:59

They really do need to leave home. You are being bullied to the extent that you can't even see that you are.

Misspiggy1012 · 20/07/2023 09:34

Hi I know you said you didn't like the smell of the pot he's smoking. Also he may think it's because you are talking with your other child again but I would say if he was mine can I talk to you about something and us both be a bit grown up about it. Don't bring the other child's name into it sit him down maybe make him a cuppa with his favourite bickie's and just start with I'm not arguing with you let's get off here on the right foot this bug's me so bad but it is not a dig or an argument rather a request from my boy to his mum. When I get up I can smell your products and it probably means it's really good stuff but can you please put it in side an air tight container and if I'm asleep not smoke in side I'm getting older and it's starting giving me a bit of heart burn and it's just the smell kiddo I assure you that I'm not having a go please don't think I would hurt you for the world. Maybe if he thinks that it's hurting you and your health is being affected by this smell he will do his best to keep it wrapped up in a sealed bag then in an airtight container and it won't hurt to throw in a few cans of body spray as a present to him. Also say that his help of late has meant so much to you. A tear there is always very good as well. Good luck doll my two of my boys were born 93 and 95 they can be quite irritable when you talk about something they shouldn't be doing. All the best

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