Ex manipulating adult kids

[An0nymouss]

I have been divorced for 10yrs from ex who i now realise was a bitter and manipulative person. He lives overseas and doesnt see DS and DD often. They are both adults and very different people but i have always encouraged sibling bond as feel its important as they get older. It has come to my attention that ex has been speaking to each of them about the other, things like "you are my favourite, other only contacts me when wants something" etc etc. And repeating any disparaging remarks one might have said about the other. Kids don't see through the manipulation like I can. No idea why he does this. Current DH says I should ignore it and not get involved as wont win, but I feel he is driving a wedge between a sibling relationship. Should i take DH,'s advice, tell ex I know his game (don't really have contact and not that keen to strike it up) or tell the kids they are being played?

I'd get the kids together and encourage them to have a discussion about it

I’d mention to them each what you have heard and what your concern is. Then leave it up to them. Presumably they have both told you seperatly what their father says to them?

Do you think it is causing an issue between them? How are they reacting to their father saying those things? If my parent said I was their favourite I’d think that was a really shitty thing for a parent to say.

My M did this to me and my DSis for years and I mean years and yes it did drive a wedge between us. I miser out on having a good relationship with my only sibling because my M would always play one off against the other. It took my DF having Cancer and then dying for us to realise what was going on.

I wish someone had told us.