18 year old son just doesn’t get it!

[Roui]

I’ve come for some solution focused advice because I just feel like I’m at the end of my tether now.

18 year old son (3rd of my 4 sons, all the rest doing ok in life), lives at home with me and my 14 year old son. He works for a small decorating company painting new build houses. His boss is an absolute idiot who doesn’t care about anyone and is a really bad influence - driving whilst banned, drinks and takes drugs, irresponsible most of the time! They often finish work early in the day and at least once a week he will go out drinking till the early hours and then not bother working the next day.

So he passed his driving test in May, has had two parking tickets in the first month, then starts driving the work car which is a death trap and despite me being so meticulous about him having at least temporary insurance on the car he gets pulled over for a brake light being out and he didn’t have insurance. He’s waiting for a court letter now but it’s obvious he’s going to get his licence revoked.
He was scared to tell me so got his girlfriend to do it! I stayed calm told him it was a consequence of his own actions and that he needs to belt up get another job away from this guy who will ruin his life or to get some boundaries.

I also have told him so many times about smoking weed in my shed/ garden and he is still doing it! I am so sick of him disrespecting my rules. I literally only have 2! No weed and I have to see a screen shot of his temp insurance if he wants to borrow my car.

Him and his girlfriend have just stunk the house out again and weed and my partner isn’t impressed either. I’m at the point I am just going to stop him lending my car ( I have a 24 hour ban if I know he has had weed) but I just don’t think he cares.

Obviously I don’t want to have to ask him to leave, but it’s getting ridiculous that he refuses to respect my home.

what would you suggest?
thanks 😊

If he was driving a work vehicle, whose responsibility was it to ensure that there was insurance cover? The employee driving it, or the employer who gave him the keys?

Well his boss got this old banger of a car to use, but to insure my son properly it was £8k so he was buying temp insurance as he needed it.
when he was pulled he said he thought he had bought it but the money was in his savings and the payment hadn’t gone through… he then paid straight away and the police officer let him go on his way, but he had already been found driving with no insurance. To be honest I think my son is telling porkies and thought he would maybe get away with it!

It’s his own fault. He was responsible for insuring himself.

I think you're right, he's going to lose his licence. I don't think I'd be lending him my car again, especially if he's not being honest and is smoking weed.

Could sit down with him and you help him find a more suitable job?

If his GF is regularly staying over and they're taking drugs, is he using contraceptives? If he's this irresponsible I'd be worried about being left with a baby.