Struggling with the rollercoaster of DD life

[isthesolution]

I feel like such a bad mother.

My daughters life is just chaos. And nothing I do or say seems to make it better. Goes out all night, doesn't let us know where, frequently misses work, lost 5 jobs already and now not going to job she's only had 3 months.

Comes home mostly to use things - the bath, the washing machine, the fridge then seems to just sleep at anyones house and tells me she's an adult it's not my business. Pays no rent (which I don't want but I think people will ask)

Tried to suggest she spoke to someone about her mental health and got a load of abuse. Tried to reason and sympathise - got a load of abuse. Tried to set some v basic rules - let us know when you'll be home, go to work and hold job down, that level of rule and got a load of abuse. If I say anything she doesn't like she just walks out.

I want to help her and find her a good future but I'm getting really down myself and don't know what to do.

How old is she?

Where does she actually live- officially does she live with you or elsewhere?

I'd be making her pay rent tbh. If she don't like it, she can move out.

First of all I fully sympathise, I have 2 young adult DD's and 2 young adult dsd's it's tough navigating life!

I admit I don't have the going out issue, I have the never going out issue ... mental health issues.

I have common sense rules as you stated and mostly they do stick to them, my dd is the worst and exploding verbally, I r occasionally physically (she's autistic so a reason NOT an excuse!) but ultimately if she won't meet your pretty basic requirements for family living you need to give her notice to move out, perhaps by end of September?

You need to look after yourself too. Every sympathy as I say but I've been close myself and said that whilst they are welcome to live with me these are the rules, tow the line or leave. Tough love

If you asked her she'd say she lives with us but she hasn't slept at home more than twice a week for many years. Previously she stayed at her boyfriends most nights but when they split up it's just anywhere.

She would not pay rent. She never ever has money - her management of money is awful.

I was similar although I did manage to hold down jobs.

Now one of my DC is being assessed for ADHD and the other is diagnosed I realise that there's a strong possibility that I have it too.

Not being able to hold down a job is pretty typical for ADHD though.

I really appreciate the fact that my DPs weren't judgemental and we're always there for me.

Do you think that there may be drugs involved?

I think there's a possibility.

I have suggested she sees a doctor to try and get help with her mental health. I don't think ADHD fits for her but I do think that a mental health issue could be at play. Or like you say the beginnings of an addiction.

It might be worth reading up more on ADHD. I did a lot of reading before suggesting to DS that he gets assessed. Its often presented as the naughty boy how is out of control in class but the affects can be very similar to how your DD is behaving, especially if she's screaming at you. People with ADHD can be very sensitive to any criticism.