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Parents of adult children

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Exhausted Mum!

9 replies

Kiki105 · 02/07/2023 11:06

Ive just venting my frustration really but I'm sure there's others out there feeling how I do. I've been a loan parent for the past 6 years, basically bringing up two teenage children who are now 19 and 21 alone (their dad is totally out of the picture). My eldest DS is generally no bother apart from staying up all hours on his PC, somewhat lazy but does have a good F/T job. My DD on the other hand pushes me to the limit most days. She's sullen, rude and totally ungrateful. Today's example; she's been asking me to help her update her CV because her F/T job contact ends at the end of Aug. I've given up my weekend with my partner to gets stuff done (moving house soon) and spend time to help her. She agreed to do it after she'd eaten her breakfast that I prepared for her and then she sneaked upstairs because her boyfriend called, and she says she has a headache. I have a moan at her and she has the cheek to call me a control freak because I asked her to come back downstairs. I'm so fed up being a mum and don't want to feel like this, I actually resent the children I've brought into this world and feel trapped with no way out. I know there's people in a much worse situation than myself but I'm just exhausted of my life as mum.

OP posts:
BiscuitsandPuffin · 02/07/2023 11:10

Surely at this age the answer is to stop doing all that stuff for her and get her to learn to be independent? Why can't she make her own breakfast? If she's asked you for help with something then she won't actually engage with the task, leave her to it and let her find out for herself that she either takes the help offered on your terms or she has to sort stuff out for herself.

redfacebigdisgrace · 02/07/2023 11:14

Yes you just need to take a step back here. Tell her you’re happy to help her but she’s to treat you with respect. Get on and do your thing and let her sort herself out. You’re at risk of becoming a martyr.

Kiki105 · 02/07/2023 11:31

Believe me, I'm quite strict with her and don't always cook her breakfast, it was a one off. I just find myself doing these things sometimes because I want her to like me, we don't have a great mum/daughter relationship.

OP posts:
redfacebigdisgrace · 02/07/2023 11:44

@Kiki105 I totally get it. I’m the same. Sometimes backing off calmly gets you more respect though.

Kiki105 · 02/07/2023 11:50

Yes, I agree with you there as hard as it is sometimes to do that!

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Zippedydoo123 · 08/07/2023 16:52

Is your daughter stressed because you are moving? Or does she not like your partner?

Kiki105 · 08/07/2023 17:00

No neither of those. She has been looking forward to the move, even searching on Rightmove and sending me links to houses. She also likes my partner. It's about the only time she will come downstairs and sit with me when he is around. She has even asked why aren't we moving in together.

OP posts:
Zippedydoo123 · 08/07/2023 17:33

Oh wow that's good then. I found I had to micromanage ds and his cv the whole time. I did it for him with him rereading it here and there. He finally got a fulltime job. He is just 18 and only had one 9 week part time job prior to that.

Try and get her away from temporary contracts and zero hours etc. Too flippin stressful!

Apart from Indeed of course there is Reed but agencies can be temporary jobs. Temp to perm is obviously better. Ds found his fulltime warehouse job through thebigjobsite. Total jobs is another one. Apologies if all this is known.

I thought 18 plus things would get easier with this parenting lark. Luckily ds has reassured me he will stick at this job. I had visions of him walking out It is an American company with really good hours and their trial period is just 13 weeks. Day shifts only that are at civilised hours. None of this starting at 6am routine unlike Tescos and English warehouses......

Good luck with it and hope she gets something soon. Stressful buggers aren't they lol!

DelphiniumBlue · 08/07/2023 18:25

Carry on with your day. You say you gave up your weekend with your partner, but that's not really down to her, you've said you had packing to do, and it's your choice.
If she wants your help, she has to learn that it will be when it's convenient for you. Do what you want to do re packing etc, and don't make yourself too easily available. You can tell her calmly that you'll be available until x time, but after that you've got other plans. Don't make an argument, just do your thing then go out.

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