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Parents of adult children

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Bone idle child

16 replies

mumofboysnot1but2 · 28/06/2023 23:17

My step son is 17, almost 18. He lives with me and my other 2 children who are 11 and 6. I separated from my husband 2 years ago but stepson decided to stag with me. Long story I was granted PR years ago due to issues with his mum. Anyway he loves with me and not his biological parents, I am obviously very happy that he chose to stay here.

However, he is bone idle!! He does attend college, they have broken up for the summer so will return in September. He sits in his room.all day on his xbox festering in his own filth. He literally doesn't move. I tell him to do jobs around the house such as hoovering, making sure that the dog and cats are let out regularly getting washing in etc. Nothing too taxing but he point blank refuses. I've told him that he needs to start thinking about getting a job even a Saturday job not only so he can have some independence but to get him out of the house. I have put him in touch with people that I know who are after lads for labouring etc and he has no interest in making an effort at all. The only time I see him is when food is ready or he wants money. The only money he asks for is money for vapes, which I have point blank refused to buy him.if he wants it he needs to earn his own money to get it.

It's so frustrating because he is very almost an adult and I worry that I just isn't going to cope in the big bad world. His mum and dad haven't got much work ethic about them, I have worked full time since leaving uni and worked since inwas 13 on Saturdays and in the evenings once I got older.

I am.at my wits end trying to get him to do something for himself. Things got to.me that much this week I contemplated taking the router to work with me just so that he would leave the house and socialise
Any advice??

OP posts:
stealtheatingtunnocks · 28/06/2023 23:26

No, but I’m following for top tips as I have a 17 year old who is similar. His siblings are willing to help, but this one is too lazy to chew food!

inloveandmarried · 29/06/2023 00:53

We have a not dissimilar situation.

We decided to pay for a bus pass so he could get to college and see his friends at other times and get to work should he decide to get a job.

We feed him, clothe him for need not want, Supply internet.

But that's it now he's 17.

If he wanted money to go to sports clubs, the gym, parties with friends, trendy clothes he'd have to work.

It did come to a head a few months ago and he realised his life was being hampered by lack of funds. He now works reluctantly in retail Saturday and Sunday.

Do you supply spending money? We stopped everything and told he he was welcome to make himself sandwiches to take when he went out.

It did take probably about six months from us stopping extra funds for the motivation to get a job kicked in. Even now he's a grumpy reluctant Saturday assistant at least he is when he's leaving the house.

The other thing you might want to consider is to occasionally limit bandwidth on your internet connection. This hampers constant gaming and gets them out a bit more.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 02/07/2023 07:36

The other thing you might want to consider is to occasionally limit bandwidth on your internet connection. This hampers constant gaming and gets them out a bit more

That's bloody genius.

Yellowdays · 08/07/2023 22:46

That is genius!

RuthW · 08/07/2023 22:47

Sounds like a normal 17 year old to me

Augustus40 · 11/07/2023 06:40

Somebody said to me that boys take longer to get going being in general a fair bit more immature than females.

Kokeshi123 · 11/07/2023 06:48

Take the wifi away. With some people, wifi is like giving alcohol to a drunk. People need to start treating gaming addiction like substance addiction.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 14/07/2023 09:57

How are things now @mumofboysnot1but2?

mumofboysnot1but2 · 14/07/2023 10:07

Still pretty much the same.
I am at my with end x

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 14/07/2023 10:15

Will he talk with you if you have a meal together or watch a film?

Yellowdays · 14/07/2023 10:16

If he literally refuses to help, then I think I would take the router to work.

Yellowdays · 14/07/2023 10:17

(But beware, he may then game all night-unless he already is.)

BarbieBunches · 14/07/2023 10:19

@RuthW seriously?! Nope. Definitely not one I’ve encountered.

AlyssumandHelianthus · 14/07/2023 10:21

inloveandmarried · 29/06/2023 00:53

We have a not dissimilar situation.

We decided to pay for a bus pass so he could get to college and see his friends at other times and get to work should he decide to get a job.

We feed him, clothe him for need not want, Supply internet.

But that's it now he's 17.

If he wanted money to go to sports clubs, the gym, parties with friends, trendy clothes he'd have to work.

It did come to a head a few months ago and he realised his life was being hampered by lack of funds. He now works reluctantly in retail Saturday and Sunday.

Do you supply spending money? We stopped everything and told he he was welcome to make himself sandwiches to take when he went out.

It did take probably about six months from us stopping extra funds for the motivation to get a job kicked in. Even now he's a grumpy reluctant Saturday assistant at least he is when he's leaving the house.

The other thing you might want to consider is to occasionally limit bandwidth on your internet connection. This hampers constant gaming and gets them out a bit more.

This is genius - how do you limit bandwidth?

inloveonholiday · 14/07/2023 11:27

We do it by selecting who gets priority. We have a Google mesh system and I believe it's through this that you select which devices get priority. So if I select the main television and there is a 4K movie running, everyone else then buffers (and complains).

OhComeOnFFS · 14/07/2023 11:34

This is the second thread on here where a step mother has taken on care of a feckless (and in the other thread, violent) boy.

I really admire both you and the other poster but have to say that's the point where I'd say, "No, I'm not doing this any more."

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