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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Finding friends and a partner if you're 20-something

12 replies

SirChenjins · 07/06/2023 13:34

If your 20-something has lost touch with their university friends, moved to a new city and has a job in a small team with no-one else their own age - how do they make friends and/or find a partner (church/political causes/Tinder not really wanted). DD is feeling a bit lost at the moment.

OP posts:
FluffyHamster · 07/06/2023 13:44

Hmm, don't know, but DS1 is in a similar situation. Seems to be:

  • go out to ANY invitation from friends in the area (even if you don't fancy it) as you don't know who you might meet
  • find some local groups doing hobbies/ interests (music, gym, films etc)
  • Look on MeetUp/ Facebook groups for people/ groups doing stuff

I think young people find it hard at first to get used to the idea of socialising with people in such different age groups - they have spent their lives in 'blocks' of friends the same age as them.

DS has also started being quite honest with people at work about the fact that he doesn't know anyone and his colleagues have been quite good at introducing him/ suggesting things etc.
I think it's a bit uncomfortable at first, but they have to 'put themselves out there' really!

Original poster
SirChenjins · 07/06/2023 16:20

Thanks, it's good to know she's not alone! She does go out with people from work but they are all older and have partners/children so the nights out are few and far between, and does go out with a couple of friends but ditto. MeetUp is a good idea, I'll suggest that to her. I think she's just at a bit of a crossroads - moved on from school and uni, but now a bit adrift and feeling quite lonely. I've been there myself many years ago and really feel for her.

OP posts:
GremlinDolphin4 · 08/06/2023 19:32

Hi I’ve got a DD in this position too! She’s not good at putting herself “out there” and also quite resistant to mum meddling!

All the relevant clubs in our town are geared towards older people. I remember my early 20s and that feeling of loneliness and not knowing your place in the world, I think it’s even harder or this cohort. Xxx

Gonksmum · 08/06/2023 19:38

My son's 24 and is in the same boat. He's joined a couple of groups but is still missing company of his own age group. Working 100% from home doesn't help and he misses the office chats he used to have in previous (shorter term) jobs. I wish I could help more when he complains of feeling lonely.

Original poster
SirChenjins · 08/06/2023 22:11

It’s so difficult to know how to help them, isn’t it? DD doesn’t do any team sports, never has, so doesn’t have that to fall back on. Her hobbies are quite solitary and she lacks to confidence to put herself out there too, so I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to suggest really ☹️

OP posts:
FluffyHamster · 09/06/2023 15:43

Gonksmum · 08/06/2023 19:38

My son's 24 and is in the same boat. He's joined a couple of groups but is still missing company of his own age group. Working 100% from home doesn't help and he misses the office chats he used to have in previous (shorter term) jobs. I wish I could help more when he complains of feeling lonely.

Yes, same for my DS! In theory, he is on a grad scheme, but the other grads are spread all over the world!

When I think about my own experience, it was so very different. I joined a company grad scheme in a cohort of about 15 of us, and we spent the next 2 years basically doing most things together! Also there were the grads from previous years who we socialised with too. The working from home trend is terrible for the twenty-somethings generation.

FluffyHamster · 09/06/2023 15:48

Oh, I also saw that the Bumble dating app has a 'Bumble for friends' section which is just for meeting up and getting to know other people socially.
I think Bumble is just for females though?

FluffyHamster · 09/06/2023 15:51

FluffyHamster · 09/06/2023 15:48

Oh, I also saw that the Bumble dating app has a 'Bumble for friends' section which is just for meeting up and getting to know other people socially.
I think Bumble is just for females though?

Sorry, that's wrong! Not just for females! It started out as a dating app where women get to make the first contact so as not to be spammed by horrible men.

Original poster
SirChenjins · 09/06/2023 15:54

Thanks @FluffyHamster I'll let her know about the Bumble for friends section - she may already know about it but if not, she might find like-minded people on there.

OP posts:
Bigwildorange · 09/06/2023 15:57

Does she live alone? If she was in a house share with other young professionals could that be a way of meeting others her own age?

Original poster
SirChenjins · 09/06/2023 16:08

She lives with us - she’s saving for a deposit. Sorry, when I said she moved I meant moved to a new city away from her Uni city. DH and I are obviously fab company(!) but not what a 24 year old wants for a social life.

OP posts:
Lilacsilver · 11/06/2023 16:56

It's tough, working from home is dreadful for early career young people. After uni the way many people make friends is through work.
DS started a grad scheme WFH in the first lockdown. He moved to the city thinking at least he would be based there. Ended up moving several times. It''s been very difficult for him but he does now have a nice girlfriend and a few new friends /interests.
MeetUp is good. he joined board games groups and piano.
He hates Tinder but it does help filter people and that's how both my DC found partners. Many frogs were kissed.
But you really have to put yourself out there and it's hard for the introverted.

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