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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Adult Children Finances

15 replies

rain2sunshine · 01/06/2023 11:49

Please be kind with your comments as I'm feeling quite emotional at the moment. I have posted on here before and a handful of users were frustratingly judgemental.

DS in early 20s recently moved out to live with partner. Within 2 months they have committed to various credit agreements. I am terrified what financial mess they are potentially getting themselves into.

It's so hard to discuss & advise on finances without seeming intrusive.

Any suggestions please?

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 01/06/2023 11:53

Only advise if they ask for advice, otherwise let them make their own mistakes.

It is hard letting go.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 01/06/2023 12:00

Committing to various credit arrangements isn’t necessarily a bad thing if they can afford them. We had several credit arrangements in our early twenties because we couldn’t afford to buy things outright. We still have some credit arrangements now (in our 30s), such as the car and windows. We’re quite capable of budgeting though and so we didn’t over commit ourselves and we know it’s not the most financially sound way of making purchases but it isn’t impacting us. If they have over committed themselves then unfortunately it’s something he needs to learn himself and if you bail him out, he won’t really learn. If we keeps up with payments it’s a way of building good credit history.

Mrsjayy · 01/06/2023 12:04

What sort of credit arrangements is it for household or a fancy car ? I mean if they are managing to pay then it's fine. Lots of people can't afford things and buy and manage on credit. Saying that some don't and are up to their eyeballs in debt do you think your dc will be the latter?

AdoraBell · 01/06/2023 12:06

As FrenchFancy said, only talk to them about if they ask.

feralunderclass · 01/06/2023 12:10

I'd just say you are concerned they are taking on too much in credit, and in a nice way let it be known that you don't plan to help out should they find themselves in a precarious position.

BeverlyHa · 01/06/2023 12:14

It is all good in the end because you really want them to learn to be adults WITHOUT YOU, just in case you go soon, so offer advice, yes and be aware that many people learn from mistakes and I have seen adults who learnt to manage money after they reached 40. Life is not ideal, is not straight forward and your kids seem to be brave.

DeathBecomesHer · 01/06/2023 12:16

Its not really your business, I would keep my nose out

Uncreativename · 01/06/2023 12:21

Yes unfortunately not your business.

I have a lot of credit agreements and a lot of finance debt, which on the face of it probably concerning.

what people don’t realise is it’s all 0% and I have the money tucked in ISA’s and premium bonds.

I’ve always done this since I could get credit.

presumably they’ve had the credit checks and the loaners deem it affordable debt 🤷‍♀️

Aquamarine1029 · 01/06/2023 12:23

It's time for him to sink or swim, op. If he comes to you, give advice, but you really need to allow him to navigate his own life.

Trisolaris · 01/06/2023 12:25

Well there’s credit agreements and credit agreements. Some are 0% great deals that allow you to keep hold of your savings and some are high interest that have you paying loads more than you need to. Do you know the details or are you worried purely because they are credit agreements?

lunar1 · 01/06/2023 12:28

How often did you talk to him about finances with him as he was growing up? Have you and his other parent taught him how to plan ahead, save for a rainy day and keep to a budget?

As long as you as a parent ensured he was prepared for the complexities of running a home while he was still a child, that's all you can do.

My children know our household finances, and what all the bill are, it's how I'm preparing them.

RedHinge · 01/06/2023 12:43

Part of parenting is to teach them financial management, how to budget, how to save, how to invest, how to borrow and how not to borrow. If you have done all that then you can do little more.

I disagree with the idea that you can't interfere in any way though. He is early 20s and moving in with a partner is a big deal. He has obviously told you about some of this so it's not as though he doesn't want you to know.

I'd just have a gentle conversation about good and bad credit and cheap ways to set up home such as using freecycle and FB marketplace for furniture.
My DS recently moved in with a partner he brought the subject up of how they planned to split costs from bills to holidays so I have been able to have those conversations.

caringcarer · 01/06/2023 14:35

I agree with this I have taught all of my 3 children about budgeting, credit cards, 0 percent interest rates and making a clear payment schedule to ensure its paid off before expiry date, and also finding alternative cheaper ways to get things such as Market Place, charity shops, asking relatives if anyone has a sofa they don't want/need etc. Also about savings and pension too. If you have done that while they were growing up then they have no excuses for getting into debt.

Eviebeans · 01/06/2023 14:57

Is there something specific that you’re worried about

Original poster
rain2sunshine · 01/06/2023 18:49

Thank you everyone. I roughly know their household income therefore I can see they are stretching to what they can afford. Maybe even beyond what they can afford.

The items I am concerned about are lavish / luxury items. And it all seems a massive amount so quickly. Two large items I know are on a finance interest rate of around 12% which concerns me.

You're right though.....it is hard letting go

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