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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

How much to charge for board ?

30 replies

Milly699 · 27/05/2023 11:28

Quick back story, we are just in our early sixties and love having our house to ourselves for most of the week and seeing family at weekends.
Youngest DS bought a house with his partner and moved out onto the path of grownupness 4 years ago .
Eldest DS ( 34) moved back home in 2020 after his relationship broke down. Expected this to be temporary, he’s still here! He now has a new relationship, his partner wants to get somewhere together, he won’t rent, thinks it’s a waste. However, he’s putting up walls and making excuses about buying as well.
I don’t want to sound cruel, I don’t want an adult child at home, it’s not good for him, he needs to grow up and stand on his own two feet.
I charge him a pathetic amount of board £170 per 4 weeks. I’ve told him I am increasing this substantially, (he works) because of the cost of living.
What should I charge him? We’re not in London…..up north!
Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
Yellowdays · 27/05/2023 12:13

£500 a month. Minimum.

Busy75 · 27/05/2023 12:40

We’ve been charging our eldest adult DD 30% of her salary, starting one year after she left Uni five years ago. DD’s worked PT since 6th Form, finally got a FT job six months ago, and is now nearly earning more than me. We’re a family of five living in London with two younger DC still at school.

DD has the loft bedroom with their own ensuite Shower Room. They still get to save, they have a great social life and they continue to go on holiday 2-4 times per year.

We’re also saving DD’s contributions as deposit on her first property purchase.

Busy75 · 27/05/2023 15:19

In addition, DD has been doing her own laundry for a few years, is welcome to all food in the kitchen, but also buys a bit of her own food shopping and sometimes cooks her own evening meals. She’s out of the house at work most evenings.

crosstalk · 27/05/2023 20:54

Doesn't it all depend?

I think it's worth going through the increased energy bills (including water usage, washing machine etc) food etc and working out a fair percentage. Then also looking at local flatshares (if there are any) and seeing what DC could move to and what they'd be paying. It varies so widely - round here you could flatshare for £450 pcm but in London it would be £900 or much more. So %bills + 50% of rental. I would try to save the rental if I weren't desperate into a savings account for them.

It's worth discussing with DC surely preferably before they move back but if not a good meal and a sit down to go through it. I know even adult DC despair they'll ever get a foot on a ladder and so think, okay, I'm living at home and have spare cash, I'll just have a holiday/more clothes etc. Or go out with friends more because they need a break from living at home.

It's not great training and, while it used to be common in the 19C for children to live at home until they married, now it seems to infantilise some.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 29/05/2023 15:44

Do you think that he actually wants to move out @Milly699?

girlmeetsboy · 29/05/2023 15:59

We charge our DD £400 a month as she moved out, rented and racked up a load of debt, I am however currently seething at the amount of Asos/BooHoo Parcels that are constantly being delivered whilst she is apparently 'sorting herself out' so I will be increasing it! I also feel peeved that she can her every conversation about her siblings and feeds it back to them! Not ideal.

Hbh17 · 29/05/2023 16:05

Work out all the costs (food, utilities, council tax etc) and divide by the number of adults living in the house. Then, if you are foolish enough to also cook, clean & do his washing for him, add a massive amount on top as a service charge. He is taking ridiculous advantage - he's in his 30s, so if you make it expensive then he will rent a place, as he should have been doing all along. It's your house - not his!

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 29/05/2023 16:10

Hbh17 · 29/05/2023 16:05

Work out all the costs (food, utilities, council tax etc) and divide by the number of adults living in the house. Then, if you are foolish enough to also cook, clean & do his washing for him, add a massive amount on top as a service charge. He is taking ridiculous advantage - he's in his 30s, so if you make it expensive then he will rent a place, as he should have been doing all along. It's your house - not his!

^Thus seems like a really sensible approach. Don't forget to include costs that are often hidden like decorating, furniture replacement, insurance and gardening.

Have a look on Spareroom before you talk to him too. I've just realised that the ones in our village start at £450 a month for a double room with shared bathroom.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/05/2023 16:15

He's 34! It's too easy for him to stay at home. He needs to be forced into adulthood.

Paperlate · 29/05/2023 16:18

Why would you charge him more than it costs for him to live there?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/05/2023 16:39

Just had a quick look on our postcode - between £375 pcm for a single room to £900pcm for a double (but specify "Couples:No" )

Our DC are young adults ( 21/23) at home .

In the case of a 30+ then yes I'd charge him 33% of household bills for a start and look at how much a houseshare would be to get an idea of rent charge .

yesithinkido · 01/06/2023 16:50

@girlmeetsboy
Ugh I know- all the bloody parcels arriving with goodies - the 3 holidays a year.
She only earns 1200 net a month. And pays 150 board. Which basically covers her food bill 🙈 if that..
She's my stepdaughter and I love her to bits but she needs to start being more realistic with money. Dad paid for everything (probably a bit of a guilt complex which she has played on) before I came along as he left the younger kids with her for weekends away with his former gf..
how best to broach the subject of an increase as she says she is saving - yet she doesn't have any savings... ? Help anyone?

user1497787065 · 01/06/2023 17:19

I have a 30 year old DS at home. He pays £180 per month. He buys the odd bit of food but generally I cook, clean, wash and iron for
him. He will do anything that I ask
him to do in the house. He is an absolute miser and saves about £1000 per month. He is hoping to be able to put down a 50% deposit in the next couple of years as he will be buying alone and having a large
deposit is the only way he could
do this.

If he was spending on frippery I may feel differently.

wildfirewonder · 01/06/2023 17:24

What is market rate in your area? Ask for the top end of that.

I know it's hard now with housing costs but it doesn't sound like a healthy set-up for him, really, as he's not living like an adult.

girlmeetsboy · 03/06/2023 12:32

yesithinkido · 01/06/2023 16:50

@girlmeetsboy
Ugh I know- all the bloody parcels arriving with goodies - the 3 holidays a year.
She only earns 1200 net a month. And pays 150 board. Which basically covers her food bill 🙈 if that..
She's my stepdaughter and I love her to bits but she needs to start being more realistic with money. Dad paid for everything (probably a bit of a guilt complex which she has played on) before I came along as he left the younger kids with her for weekends away with his former gf..
how best to broach the subject of an increase as she says she is saving - yet she doesn't have any savings... ? Help anyone?

Maybe double her rent and save the extra for her? What gets me is her flat used to cost her £600 a month then bills and we only charge her £400. She has caused so much drama this week as she overheard her Dad and I discussing a sibling and immediately text them to say we were 'slagging' them off which we weren't, it was a 5 minute chat about something. We are hoping to move at the end of the year and she will get her marching orders! I would never throw a child out but she earns circa £2k a month. She's always saying she has no money but has nails, eyelashes, sunbeds etc but cant afford to get her Dad some socks for his birthday, so selfish!

CovertImage · 03/06/2023 13:39

I would try to save the rental if I weren't desperate into a savings account for them.

The bloke's 34 FFS!

GatesAcorn · 03/06/2023 13:50

I think you need to be having a very frank conversation with him about exactly how much he does have saved up as he has been living with you for 3 years. It is all well and good saying he doesn't want to rent but you need to give him a deadline to be out by and if that means renting, so be it.

I agree with Sioux that you need to look on spareroom website to see what he would be paying for a room in a shared house in your area. He is 34 and needs to get his act together and get out.

As for bills, everything you pay divided by 3 as a minimum. I hope he is doing his own laundry and making at least 2 meals a week. If he isn't doing that he needs to start. He has got far too comfortable and needs to be set a deadline.

Original poster
Milly699 · 08/06/2023 18:45

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto No ! I don’t!

OP posts:
Original poster
Milly699 · 08/06/2023 18:49

@Hbh17 No I certainly don’t do his washing or go anywhere near his room. We don’t cook for him specifically but something like spaghetti bolognaise will dish him some up.
He needs to stand on his own two feet and be an adult.

OP posts:
DiscoBeat · 08/06/2023 18:51

He's more than just a young adult looking to save. I'm not normally for charging anything for that reason but he's 34 and solvent! So I'd be charging a three way split of all the mortgage, if there is any, bills and food.

Hannahsbananas · 08/06/2023 18:54

Milly699 · 27/05/2023 11:28

Quick back story, we are just in our early sixties and love having our house to ourselves for most of the week and seeing family at weekends.
Youngest DS bought a house with his partner and moved out onto the path of grownupness 4 years ago .
Eldest DS ( 34) moved back home in 2020 after his relationship broke down. Expected this to be temporary, he’s still here! He now has a new relationship, his partner wants to get somewhere together, he won’t rent, thinks it’s a waste. However, he’s putting up walls and making excuses about buying as well.
I don’t want to sound cruel, I don’t want an adult child at home, it’s not good for him, he needs to grow up and stand on his own two feet.
I charge him a pathetic amount of board £170 per 4 weeks. I’ve told him I am increasing this substantially, (he works) because of the cost of living.
What should I charge him? We’re not in London…..up north!
Any suggestions gratefully received!

I’d be tempted to charge him full market rent, tbh, as he’s clearly not going to bother moving out while you make it worth his while not to.
Check out the sort of place his partner has her eye on for a guide as to what to charge.

Original poster
Milly699 · 08/06/2023 18:57

Thanks everyone, he has got far too comfortable you’re all right on that one.

On the other hand myself and DH are now in our early 60s and we our house to ourselves! We’ve served our parental time!

Still pondering on a sum , three way split looks fair enough, definitely going to be 350+

He’s at his gf for a few days, I have warned him we “need to talk “ when he gets back!

OP posts:
Fedup69 · 12/07/2023 22:10

I absolutely feel your pain. Our DS has never left home and been saving for own place for 5 yrs…. Their partner also now lives with us. I work ft and long hours and so does hubby were in our mid to late 50s and feel like we have supported our children at every turn. We asked them for £200 each per
minth they have a beautiful house with lovely facilities and own bathroom but think they are hard done to. Now more than ever we can see that they won’t be able to move out any time soon but I am getting fed up of being chief cook and bottle washer. They shower at least three times a day each and use the hairdryer!!! Yes the hairdryer to dry their bodies. I am going to put their board up to £300 each per month from
1st September I showed them how much it costs to run the house without maintenance and food. And I can tell you it’s more than the £10 per day pp that they will be paying. I feel your pain ans relieved it’s not just me. I know they didn’t ask to be born “something I am frequently told” but as we set
up home on our late teens I feel that they should now stand on their own feet
at nearly 30

Augustus40 · 20/07/2023 06:12

Fedup69 · 12/07/2023 22:10

I absolutely feel your pain. Our DS has never left home and been saving for own place for 5 yrs…. Their partner also now lives with us. I work ft and long hours and so does hubby were in our mid to late 50s and feel like we have supported our children at every turn. We asked them for £200 each per
minth they have a beautiful house with lovely facilities and own bathroom but think they are hard done to. Now more than ever we can see that they won’t be able to move out any time soon but I am getting fed up of being chief cook and bottle washer. They shower at least three times a day each and use the hairdryer!!! Yes the hairdryer to dry their bodies. I am going to put their board up to £300 each per month from
1st September I showed them how much it costs to run the house without maintenance and food. And I can tell you it’s more than the £10 per day pp that they will be paying. I feel your pain ans relieved it’s not just me. I know they didn’t ask to be born “something I am frequently told” but as we set
up home on our late teens I feel that they should now stand on their own feet
at nearly 30

OMG three showers a day each that is insane! They are living as if they stay at a hotel. I sometimes use the hairdryer to dry in between my toes but to use it daily would be totally extravagant. Though we have an electric shower. I hope yours isn't! Then there is all the washing and tumble dryer if you use one ....!

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/07/2023 07:17

He's had it too easy

£100 a week minimum

Or he can stay at gf full time - if she still with parents

And the posters whose children dry their body with a hairdryer. Wtf !!!