My daughter is 1000 kilometres away and has initiated a divorce from her husband. She says he’s been abusive: that’s possible, but I’ve only ever known him to be lovely to her and she has a history of making things up. I wish I knew whether to believe her or not. She calls daily to vent, in front of their toddler, to me on the phone. I’m worried for the little one but have to be very careful how I put that as when she feels criticized she lashes out and cutting me off won’t help her or the LO.
She has had a very stressful week with one thing and another but I know that she has zero sense of how she comes across (like an angry lunatic when she’s wound up) & I’m concerned she’s making things worse by getting angry with every adult that hoves into view.
She’s never had a diagnosis. I’d say she’s likely on the spectrum, but not sure what causes the lying and drama. Her dad was like this too (her sibling is very calm and rational and honest).
Any suggestions as to how to be supportive while also not giving her the impression being angry is helping her. Sometimes she thinks it makes people listen, or how to her will. It doesn’t.
I’m finding her daily phone calls really stressful. I want to help, but it’s not easy listening to her struggling and ranting and my grandchild crying because the LO is having to hear this. I have said “maybe you could call me back? I’m thinking baby is maybe a bit scared and needs a cuddle?” But being too firm with her makes her more pissed off, so I have to be careful.
I hope to be able to visit to help in a month or so, but it’s not possible right now.