Unknown Friends staying over

[Otter1971]

My son 22 is obviously having a female friend stay over regularly. He lives in my garage conversion and so has his own door but not fully self contained as he has no kitchen. He denies their staying but I am pretty sure 7am is too early for someone to be leaving after coming for coffee. I have asked to be introduced just because they are in my house but he is refusing and caling me names for it. Am I unreasonable to say introduce the friend or get out? Surely it isn't so hard?

Maybe he's not ready to introduce her to the family yet? I don't think he's unreasonable. You're treating him like a kid.

To be honest I wouldn't expect him to introduce them even if he was living in the main house.

Perhaps she's not the one? TBF though he might have a whole of reasons why he doesn't want you to meet yet.

Just give him some space and let him decide how the relationship processes.

I would if it was under the same roof otherwise that’s extremely rude but not for any other reason

I would if it was under the same roof otherwise that’s extremely rude but not for any other reason

I am Uber relaxed about the DC and sex, probably too relaxed

I can imagine that dating is pretty tricky as a young adult when still living with your parents. I wouldn't have wanted to introduce everyone to my parents I brought home at that age!

If they're not intruding I would leave him to it.

it's a matter of security, and your privacy.
i wouldn't want unknown people wandering around in my living quarters.
young people can be quite naive, and too blase to judge the risks.
esp where it's not even their premises.
a friend lived in a converted house. man upstairs had unknown woman to stay overnight. he left for work, leaving her to go later.
she left with his keys and other items.
the other flat owners in the house had to pay for new front door lock and keys.

Just put a bolt on the interconnecting door from the garage. Then you can lock out the garage inhabitants when you go to bed, and know you won't find them creeping around in the night.

Perfect !!!!!!!!!!

If he doesn’t want to introduce them then he shouldn’t be bringing them to your home. He may be an adult but he’s living with you and taking her there.
Be careful what you wish for though. Atm she’s leaving at 7am, if he introduces her it might become ok for her to be there all the time.

Surely the issue here is you asked him to do something reasonable and he because verbally aggressive? That's why you should be considering him moving out, not him not introducing you to whoever he's having sex with.

Do you have form for interfering in his fledgling relationships?
Does he have form for being a disrespectful, verbally aggressive arse?

His verbal aggression aside tho, I do think at 22 and in an annex, he shouldn't have to drag every person he brings home for sex into the family kitchen to meet you. Esp as they're leaving early

Meh she’s just some floozy he’s brought home for a shag.
He would have introduced you to her if she was a keeper.

Maybe it's not even one. Could be a succession of different men every night

Oh I missed the calling you names bit. He can bloody get his own flat if he's going to abuse you about it!

I don’t want people I don’t know in my house. If he wants to have the kind of lifestyle where he can bring new relationships or even one-night stands home, I would expect him to find his own place.

I would want to actually have had time to get to know anyone staying over, not just have a brief introduction.

I try my best to be reasonable to the extent his younger brother says I am a pushover. But younger brother is respectful about it and does it in terms of I shouldn't let him get away with it. Complicated relationship as he very much took dad's side and stayed with dad post divorce but only moved in with me when dad moved in with girlfriend and her 3 kids and had no room for either of his own (older but then 15 and 19). Hence garage conversion. He was in my room and I was on the couch for 18 months while that happened.

I'm not sure - if he has a separate entrance and she (they? Is it maybe different girls?) have a separate bathroom to access, does it matter? Or is she making use of your kitchen?

I'd probably want to be introduced if I was going to bump into them around the house but if he keeps it all discreet, what's the harm?

22 year olds living away from their parents home would have this freedom, as I did from 18/19. If he is not in a position to move out, maybe cut him some slack?

That said, my 22 yo (dd) always checks with me that it's ok to have friends to stay over (she has a sofa bed in her room and I barely see them usually) and has had the same boyfriend for 2 years, so different situation.