Son returning after finishing uni - aimless and down

[chickenfoot]

DS is 22 and will be returning home in the summer after finishing uni. His uni experience has not been what he'd hoped - he started in 2020 and the restrictions and lockdowns meant he didn't have the opportunity to meet lots of new people . He didn't meet anyone on his course for the first year as all lessons were online, and his halls were small and had 50% international students .

He's enjoyed his course and has been doing well academically but the social side of things never took off. He retreated into his shell in year 2 , and didn't or wasn't able to make the extra effort to try to rectify this. Both summers he's come home and worked part time in his pre-uni casual job, and not down much else.

He's a bit lost , he's lonely and says he feels low level depressed . He's not had any counselling at uni, though I've suggested it several times over the 3 years.

He's no idea what he wants to do after uni , so I'm worried about how it's gong to be when he comes home. How can we support him and help him build his confidence but not enable him?

Just reaching out to OP and all going through similar. I'm having an extremely tough week with my DS, it's very hard to watch. Somebody said to me 'you can't grow up for them' which I get but bloody hell it's hard going.

My DS is the same - he’s still waiting for his final results but he thinks it will be max 3rd class/ maybe Pass - if he passes at all. So he doesn’t think he’ll be able to access any graduate schemes. He really struggled in lockdown and it sounds very much like what your DS is feeling chickenfoot .

I am noting down all these ideas , but he’s so unmotivated at the moment. I’ve suggested driving lessons, joining the gym / karate etc, bar work , volunteering etc ., he didn’t enjoy his degree ( science) and doesn’t want a career related to it at all. It’s hard to see your child so low.

@GaraMedouar yes it is hard, sending a hug. Yes it's disappointing when they don't enjoy their degree, my DS didn't either and ending up doing another in a totally different topic. i philosophically tell myself it's all a leaning experience though whether it feels good at the time or not. Hope all goes well for your and all our DC's.

learning!

My son had a false start at uni last sept has come home and has a place at Brooke’s in sept but now doesn’t want to take it. He is working at a great hotel passed his driving test but has no idea what to do next and I am worried he will get left behind doing a fillin job so tough them growing ups

I would concentrate on career search - then opportunities to volunteer , or similar, in the field to help choose.
I can’t imagine finishing uni and having no ideas of anything.

@CountingMareep

ha this was me too. We must have graduated at a similar time. It was horrible applying for jobs and not getting them. I didn’t look at grad scheme jobs.

i ended up on benefits for about a year and did volunteering after a few months of boredom.

Uni careers can help with a starter cv. And then either any job or volunteering. None of these things are forever. Even though it does feel like it at the time.

I remember leaving Uni feeling the same… in the end I went traveling. The last part I went on my own through Asia and was so scared … Anway it worked out great, I met lots of wonderful people and when I finally started a slightly crap job and was a bit scared - I remembered drawing on that strength.
some kind of traveling / even if it’s structured Camp America / Operation Raleigh type thing may help?

Really interesting discussion, I think this may be my son in a year's time, so I will bookmark this and come back to it. He is between his 2nd and 3rd years at university at the moment and is working this summer but has no idea what to do after he finishes.

I said I would fund a summer school in Germany this summer but got the shrug treatment - he is so different from me, I would have jumped at the chance. As he is a lifeguard, something like Camp America could be really good for him.

What were his plan for after uni when he first started his degree

He didn't have a plan when he started his degree. His reason for going was to study the subject he was interested in. And I'm glad this was what motivated him as the shit show of lockdown first year with total online learning- and the fact that it wasn't till year 3 that he had live lectures (seminars were in person from year 2), makes me think he'd have likely dropped out had he not had the strong interest on his subject .
He's home now. Had a wonderful graduation (although still no degree classification as his dissertation hasn't been marked due to lecturer strike), and applying unsuccessfully for casual jobs . It's hard.

He's home now. Had a wonderful graduation (although still no degree classification as his dissertation hasn't been marked due to lecturer strike), and applying unsuccessfully for casual jobs . It's hard

I'm not sure where you are but we work with a lot of graduates who haven't yet found work and they come through the agency Brook Street. It might be worth getting him to register with them.