Feelings around adult DD divorcing

[RockPaperScissor]

My adult DD has told us she is about to ask her husband for a divorce. They are 33 and have been married 3 years. No children. She says that since the marriage things have not worked, they had fertility struggles, she is miserable and communication has broken down.

I encouraged her to get marriage counselling, think it through etc but she is certain. We said we'll support her whatever. She was phoning regularly but now is being distant (I am usually close to her) and it's tough. She doesn't want help with housing or finances. I am worried about her.

Just needed to share.

Could you reach out to her and ask her out somewhere neutral fir a coffee. Make sure she knows that you don't disapprove and that you're there to support her fully.

There's a chance that when you were suggesting Marriage Counselling she took this as disapproval of her choice to Divorce. Leaving her DH won't be a choice that she's taken lightly and it sounds as though she's been miserable for quite some time.

Thanks - I think you are right re marriage counselling although I did follow up with reassurance I support her.

Somewhere neutral sounds a good idea. I suggested coming to her house but she was reluctant as her husband is still living there. I just want to be there for her.

i live very closely to my parents and when my ex and I split up (20 years married and three older teen children at the time) it wasn't during the divorce process that I needed hugs from mum and dad. It was immediately afterwards and in the months following as I adjusted to being the only one to make decisions etc. The aftermath of 'The Decision' was comparatively easy! And very personal - I didn't want to discuss anything with anyone tbh,

I think she will have been annoyed you suggested counselling. It sounds a bit like you don’t respect her decision - if she’s sensible then this won’t have been a snap decision.

My mum was very judgemental when now ex dh and I got divorced - she was very close to him and was very angry with me even though I knew she tried to hide it. It totally ruined our relationship. Be very careful that you don’t show disapproval or judgement. Just be supportive.

You've just reminded my of exactly how my M behaved my my DSis and her ExP split. M just kept going on about how wonderful he was (he wasn't he was an abusive twat) and that how much she'd miss him!

My mother was anything but supportive when I wanted to leave my husband; she actually told him to give me a ‘good hiding’ although I had good reason. I stayed married. Her disapproval more than I could cope with.
Tread very carefully OP.

It’s unlikely that she’s taken this decision lightly, so don’t question it. She needs your full, unconditional support.

Whether you meant to or not you patronised her, so of course she has backed off.
I would phone and try to arrange a meet up and apologise, because that's what she deserves imo.

I just want to be there for her.

Offering to meet her somewhere neutral and away from him sounds like it might work. Maybe apologise for your initial reaction and tell her that you're there fir her.

Would she meet you fit lunch somewhere tomorrow do you think?