Hi all!
I’m 30 years old, currently have a 10 month old with my boyfriend. We live together have our own mortgage etc and were happy and settled.
I also have a younger sister and a soon to be BIL. They get married next week. I have both my mum and dad as well. I get very well with my dad, always have done. I was always closer to my dad and I’m close to my Grandma and Grandad (mums parents). But my mum on the reverse I have such a hard relationship with and its now in my adult years really starting to bother me. In fact it really really HURTS.
For years when I lived at home I was lead to believe I was this horrible child in my mothers words because of anytime I acted up like a normal child does. In reality I think I yearned for my mums love and she rejected me a lot and picked on me specifically. My sister very rarely bore the brunt of my mums verbal abuse, It usually got aimed at me and I was always the one getting into trouble regardless of whether I’d done it or not. I spent my teenage years battling, arguing and falling out with my mum weekly often being kicked out at 15yrs old by her for weeks on end surfing between family and friends. We butted heads a lot. She never approved of my boyfriends, she never approved of my work choices. I was often referred too as the problematic, dramatic teenager. Told how much of a nightmare I was. How unbearable I was to spend time with (I rarely spoke as my mum always talked at me rather than too me). If I ever wanted to talk to her if I was feeling down or depressed; she would instantly reject me. Or if I didn’t bother to tell her knowing what she’d say; she’d pester me until I opened my mouth but the minute I even began to open up she would immediately tell me She isn’t interested, that I’m being pathetic, I need to grow up/get a grip, go away and stop bothering her (she still does this now). She never had time to listen to me and she still doesn’t now.
My mum and dad have both paid for my sisters wedding but my mum has suddenly decided that because she’s found it too stressful and hated having no money. She sent me and my partner a random text telling us not to bother coming to them if we want to get married as we are on our own. I raised the point of it not being very fair to say that too us after having spent £18,000+ on my sister for their wedding, to which I got told to f**k off and go learn to budget (call me jealous? I am a little and quite upset by my mums most recent outburst). But I just cannot understand what I have ever done wrong to my mum to warrant the way she treats me. Iv also found out my sister and her partner turned to my mum and dad on their knees as they were struggling for money and my mum handed out cash like it wasn’t any a problem and she came to me almost rubbing it in and saying how she felt sorry for them. Me and my partner are now struggling a little with bills and we only mentioned it in passing but said were managing them and sorting it, before we even had chance to finish our sentence my mum cut us off and told us to stop moaning and to not bother even asking her for help. But then if anyone dares to help me or anyone makes me cry she suddenly becomes interested and starts standing guard over me like she suddenly cares. Its so confusing :’(. In fact its draining me emotionally. I don’t know how to feel about her anymore.
Does anyone have a mum/dad who is like this? It is absolutely KILLING ME inside. My mental health has suffered at the hands of my mums verbal abuse over the years. Its destroying me mentally, I’m so protective over my baby as a result and I worry daily that he would grow up feeling how I feel about my mum. I don’t want my baby to ever feel how I have done, I want him to know I’m hear for him. How did you deal with bar cutting them off?
thanks all x