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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

How much keep to charge a 21 Yr old

33 replies

Marie061976 · 09/04/2023 07:40

My step son has come to live with us. He earns £330 a week. I have been charging £30 a week which I feel is far too low so I want to increase it as that doesn't even cover food. I do all his washing and cook dinner every night. He does nothing to contribute to the household at all. The 2nd query I have is what to charge when he's away? He went away for 4 nights and expected he would have to pay no keep as he wasn't there but in my thoughts his room was still there with all his belongings in. Since he moved I have had to move my office from his room into the spare room which means there is nowhere for the grandchildren to now stay which I'm not happy with hence my thoughts around him still having to pay something if he's on holiday. I'm interested in your thoughts on 1 what is fair to charge and 2 what to do when he's on holiday?

OP posts:
ssd · 09/04/2023 07:42

What would you do if it was one of your children?

Original poster
Marie061976 · 09/04/2023 11:05

I would be asking the exact same question as I haven't a clue what to charge

OP posts:
Ellemeg82 · 09/04/2023 11:07

When I still lived at home I was earning £1000 a month and used to give my mum and dad £200 for my keep

Ellemeg82 · 09/04/2023 11:07

And that was 15 years ago

JoJo10 · 09/04/2023 11:09

20% of his wage.

Isanny · 09/04/2023 11:09

I never charged mine as they saved to move out but the circumstances were very different to yours.

Why are you doing everything for him, what are you charging him? Where is his Dad in all of this? Financial arrangements should involve him.

ChaChaRealSmooth · 09/04/2023 11:11

My parents charged us £100pm which was 10 years ago now but most of my friends paid more. Ultimately if you charged him £100 a week, with all bills, food etc included and no responsibility he won't find that anywhere else as cheap!

Ted27 · 09/04/2023 11:11

my 18 year old earns a similar amount. He gives me £250 a month towards food/bills.
He does his own washing, sorts own breakfast and lunch, I normally do dinner.
He is quite helpful round the house and will help down at my allotment if there is heavy work to do. He also puts the bins out for our elderly neighbour.
And he makes me a cup of tea before he goes to bed.

America12 · 09/04/2023 11:15

At least £75 a week and stop doing everything for him.
If he complains he's free to move out , he won't find anywhere as cheap.

prettybird · 09/04/2023 11:17

Ds (on, iI think, 23k pa) pays us £100/month, which just about covers his meals Wink and we told him he also has to put £200/month (the maximum) into his Help to Buy ISA. This is since he graduated last summer.

He then mentioned that his company pays them a £26/month contribution for working remotely, so we said we'd have that too Grin

It very much depends on why your dsd is staying with you: ds is saving hard to buy his own place, so we're happy to support him.

No reductions if he's away though! Wink

CLEO42 · 09/04/2023 11:20

I had a family member living with us whilst at uni for 1 year. She contributed £50 per week and she had responsibility for regularly cleaning her bedroom, a bathroom and the stairs. She also did her own laundry. I did all the family cooking and made her packed lunches and occasionally taxied her about. She was also included in family trips out, restaurants, take-aways and we paid. If she was not here for more than 4 days in a week I refunded her board. She was 22 and living off her maintenance loan and saving a lot not having to pay rental costs.

ArcticSkewer · 09/04/2023 11:21

Unclear why you are doing anything for him. Is his dad not on the scene any more? In which case it's nice that you still offer him a place to stay but you really don't need to do his laundry and cooking. Perhaps charging for bills and he does his own 'life' stuff including shopping and cooking?

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 09/04/2023 11:24

I used to pay 100-150pw, depending on what I had left over, plus paid for the shopping and usually at least 1 pub meal and a takeaway a week.

This was 8 years ago.

My mum only received carers allowance and a bit of Avon money though.

Icequeen01 · 09/04/2023 11:25

My DS23 still lives at home and earns around £1300 a month. We only ask for £100 but that's because he also pays £200 into his pension which I would much rather he do than give us that money.

I guess it depends on your financial position. We are mortgage free so have disposable income so we don't "need" his money. If we still had a mortgage may be it would be different.

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 09/04/2023 11:27

ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 09/04/2023 11:24

I used to pay 100-150pw, depending on what I had left over, plus paid for the shopping and usually at least 1 pub meal and a takeaway a week.

This was 8 years ago.

My mum only received carers allowance and a bit of Avon money though.

I was taking home over £500pw though.

WeThreeKingsofOrientAre · 09/04/2023 11:33

Maybe consider the option of £10 each night that he’s with you. So, £300 a month if he’s staying full time. This way he sensibly contributes and if he stays away for a few days/nights it reduces the amount he pays you.

WheelsUp · 09/04/2023 11:34

Get him to do his own washing and ironing.

If he had a private rental does he think a landlord would let him off rent if he went on holiday? Of course there's no discount for not sleeping at home.

How much food do you think he eats? What's a third of your council tax? (Im assuming that you are a household of 3) I agree that £30 is way too low and should be at least double.

mastertomsmum · 09/04/2023 11:36

If they are saving to move out I’d make it a nominal sum and maybe suggest they cook and plan (ie pay for ingredients) the occasional meal. I wouldn’t expect them to do chores if paying for their keep, incidentally.

Floofydawg · 09/04/2023 11:44

At least £50pw. And of course he should have to do chores. And no refund if he's not there.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/04/2023 11:46

20% of take home pay, and he should be doing his own laundry

DelphiniumBlue · 09/04/2023 11:56

DS now pays £350 pm, that's because ge wants to turn on the heating when he feels like it( wfh).
Before the current energy issues he was paying £250 pm. That includes meals. He does contribute towards doing the dishwasher and hoovering, mostly does his own washing and contributes to takeaways and incidental top up shopping.

erikbloodaxe · 09/04/2023 12:09

Mine (3 sons) don't pay keep or rent. They contribute to the running of the house because they are ADULTS. They pay £250 regardless of what they earn. They do their own laundry because they are ADULTS. They are all equally responsible for looking after the house because they are ADULTS. We take it in turns to cook for us all because we are a family and they are just as ADULT as I am. When they have their own homes they will have to do it all then and hopefully I've raised men who will be equal partners and can look after themselves and their homes. I treat them as adults and as equals because they bloody are. Treat them like children and that is who you will send out into the world.....Children!

caringcarer · 09/04/2023 12:24

My adult son has been living at home. He is 27 and in process of buying his own house. He has been saving in LISA. He earns about £25k but sometimes does a bit of weekend work helping out his Dad. His Dad pays him cash. I charge him £300 pcm for everything. He has Sky Sport, Sky Movies, BT Sport, Amazon Prime, Netflix, Disney plus all in his room and our internet contract includes one unlimited phone contract which we let him use as DH or I don't use much data on our phones. Phone contract is worth £30 pcm. Son empties bins and puts out recycling, empties dishwasher and puts away all shopping, does his own laundry and changes own bedding. He will also help out with our Foster son and babysits him occasionally. He also feeds cats if we are on holiday. When he moves into his own house I expect significantly less electricity will be used, less water and less food. I expect to save about £250 pcm. We will also be cancelling Disney plus and extra room saving a further £40 pcm.

Floofydawg · 09/04/2023 12:42

I wish I'd had similar replies on my step parenting thread about why I didn't want a 22yo earning nothing and doing no housework living with us.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/04/2023 13:01

Floofydawg · 09/04/2023 12:42

I wish I'd had similar replies on my step parenting thread about why I didn't want a 22yo earning nothing and doing no housework living with us.

But this isn't the same scenario. The man I'm question is earning.