Feeling sorry for myself

[iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort]

I'm so sorry for moaning but I've totally had it

I'm tired of paying for everything
Always being the responsible one
The only one who doesn't matter
Working full time and more to maintain what I am currently responsible for paying
Never ever getting a thank you , a break , a kind word or even a brew
Son 28 asked me yesterday if I take sugar .. says it all , he boiled the kettle then buggered off so didn't even finish the job

How has it come to this that all these years of teaching them responsibilities, kindness , manners , patience - all the things you automatically do as a parent - have led to me not having as much as a Christmas Mother's Day or birthday card for several years - never mind a small gift .. text message at 10 in morning or 10 at night is the most I'll get again this year

Good friends , good jobs , lovely partners , nice homes
I've somehow become the default one who will always listen / pay / help / support / no one has noticed that maybe I'd like to be the one on receiving end for a change

This must be my own fault as raised them alone after partner dying very young and no family at all
I'm sat here crying looking at adverts for Mothers day Sunday lunches knowing full well I will see none of them , then they will regale me with how they treated MIL's , partners ( from the dogs ) any comment I make will be met with
Cards are a waste of paper
You love living on your own mum
Do you really want some chocolate, your always on a diet ?
Flowers ? What at a tenner today and back to a fiver tomorrow
You know we are here if you need anything
Unless I need grass cutting , car looking at , bins washing out , furniture moving , something out of loft , then it'll be Yh next week

Please ignore I'm just feeling really sorry for myself
Will get my own chocolate and cuddle the cat in front of the fire and be fine

Stop sending them birthday/christmas cards and presents and see how they like it.

@iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort I get you but don't be too disheartened. My 4 kids are a little like this also, plus I have a useless soon to be ex husband who I I felt I would stick it out with for the kids. I think sometimes with kids when they are small some parents keep reinforcing here's some money to get me a gift for birthday etc, then it becomes habit. This is something I did some years but not always, I find that now two of my kids are adults they sometimes forget, although now my oldest has a GF she seems to be reminding him so it may change for you they get older. I think it all depends cause I have always lent money and they have repaid, as I had done with my parents, they rarely ask me for money and they are very good with there finances.

What a weird comment . It's not about owing it's about the chance to appreciate and spoil mum for one day . Any adult capable of running their own life should be capable of at least a card as some sort of recognition of mum .

I understand OP. It really hurts. I think you need to be direct and tell them all how you feel. IF they don’t start making an effort, don’t make an effort for them anymore.

But wouldn't it be nice if she didn't have to tell them ?

It would. It’s always nice when people know what you want and how you feel. Realistically though, when they don’t, as adults it’s best to be assertive and direct and say what we want. Remaining silent and getting more upset won’t get any kind of resolution.

Actually no, we mothers of 28 year old men shouldn't have to tell them to acknowledge mother's day. Mother's Day is their opportunity to show us that they appreciate us. Having to ask for a plant for the patio doesn't cut it. Not acknowledging your mother on mother's Day, unless you hate her, is childish self absorption at its finest.
Solidarity op. My 28 year old DS is much the same. Last two times he contacted me was when he had a video interview and his own flat was too untidy so he rocked up here to do it and when he needed to use our printer. But I am unlikely to hear from him on mother's Day.

Agree with this. Set boundaries and stick to then. At best your kids will change their ways, at worst they'll stay the same but you'll reserve your money and time for more rewarding relationships.

So instead of addressing it do what? Continue to be frustrated and Moan. Whilst ALSO enabling him to be irresponsible by letting him use your home facilities when his own home was to messy to use for work.

Just feels like all that achieves is continuing to feel bitter and negative and continuing to be used.

I agree very sensible suggestion.

Thanks all , still reading

So sorry OP.
I think you should try the above. As some people just can't empathise unless they themselves feel something.

Totally get this, 100%

How are you now @iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort

Im reading this from a similar view Op. My young adults are self centred. My dh is slack. I am only noticed when i shout/go quiet or just stop.

I feel invisible but there when they want something. No thanks.
What gets me is when i do brave speaking up, i get fake sorry and carry on the same old way.

Hi OP I absolutely get what you mean. My son is 23, it's like nothing I do or say is right. It's very hurtful.

Actually, my dcs are great, dont know why i said that earlier. I think i just want to be looked after with dinner and slippers.

A lot of young people don't buy cards - a waste of money and bad for the environment, and Mother's Day is just an invention by the card industry to sell more bloody cards. They should take you out to dinner though.

Thank you all , glad to see I'm not alone

No change here

Take care everyone 💐

I hear you OP. I am the same. Have helped and supported my kids endlessly but they don’t give much back. My daughter sends a moon pig card that she hasn’t even signed every year. No present. One of my kids is pretty good, the other variable and another useless. It really hurts when they just can’t be bothered to put some thought in.

I think my DCs would be embarrassed not to give Christmas and birthday presents, we've always made a big thing of it. Mother's Day, not so much. This year I had a present from the DC who still lives at home, a call from one who lives away, and nothing till a few days later from the youngest ,who is struggling with a lot of life admin.
I hope you tell them you'd like the days to be recognised, and to be on the receiving end of something nice. You might need to prompt for a while if it's not something that is on their normal agenda. It's hard for you , must have been very difficult bringing up DC without their Dad, it's often the other parent who reminds kids to do something nice for their Mum's birthday.