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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Insisting Snapchat maps should be on!

14 replies

helptheuser · 20/02/2023 20:31

Estranged Husband insists that 19 year old daughter keeps snap chat maps on and sent this message to her “oh and keep hiding where you are because every time you hide I know you are up to no good. It’s the only thing I had to know you are safe and you would rather lie and hide and skeam and just be a spoilt child you are”

she’s at uni and turned her maps off for everyone! Depends on her mood as sometimes she doesn’t want people knowing she’s on her phone and ignoring them. I’ve told her she doesn’t have to she’s an adult but he’s her dad.
Thoughts/advice please

OP posts:

lackadaisicalsheep · 20/02/2023 20:32

She's an adult and doesnt need to give him her location ever.

Hairydogmummy · 20/02/2023 20:33

That's very odd behaviour from her dad. I would say you've done the right thing. It's quite odd for a man his age to even have Snapchat isn't it? I'd be a bit concerned about his mental health.

autumnboys · 20/02/2023 20:33

He is being unreasonable. She is entitled to privacy. How does he think parents copes before mobile phones? My mum had to trust I was looking after myself on the other side of the country. Keep sticking up for her.

Original poster

helptheuser · 20/02/2023 20:43

I left him because of his behaviour, roaring and shouting at her. Their relationship is toxic and I think she’d be happier if she didnt have to deal with him. He’s a narcissistic. She getting counselling at uni so I hope it helps her.

OP posts:

lopsees · 20/02/2023 20:50

She's an adult
Adults don't need anyones permission to turn tracking off their phone
He's being abusive and she should block him

NumberTheory · 20/02/2023 20:59

That's incredibly controlling and abusive. Does he contribute to her expenses? Is he likely to stop doing so? Because I think, if you can, you need to make it so she can tell him where to get off without putting herself in a vulnerable position. Her uni may also have counseling services that could help if she's finding it difficult.

anxiouspeace · 20/02/2023 21:37

Aside from him being controlling and abusive her having her location on is a safety risk as anyone on her friends list (and most late teens don't tend to just have friends they trust on there) will be able to pinpoint her location whenever they wanted

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 20/02/2023 21:40

Protect her, that's abusively controlling and a disgusting way to talk to your DD!

NeverThatSerious · 20/02/2023 21:45

Hideous behaviour from her twat of a father. His attitude is, as you know I’m sure, so unhealthy towards your daughter.
It’s actually quite unsafe to have maps activated on Snapchat unless you have just a handful of your very nearest and dearest on there, it’s not like a specific app that shares your location with a very select few.

Sadlifter · 21/02/2023 16:26

I'd be telling her to block him on SM including Snapchat and telling him to fuck off. Quite literally.

Survey99 · 22/02/2023 21:28

I would coach her it is sensible to let someone know where you are if you are going out either alone or with someone out with your friendship group, but that could be a flat mate etc. It would also be sensible you have an emergency contact number for her at uni, maybe a flat mate. But both those are her choices as an adult.

IMO there is nothing wrong with having tracking switched on if both parties are happy with that, but never in an abusive, coercive relationship. If anyone doesn't want it switched on it is no one else's business what their reasons are and they don't need to explain themselves.

Your ex-h's message to your dd is nothing less than appalling.

It would be great if she could text him back something along the lines of "if you ever send me a text like that again you are out of my life" and mean it, but I guess it is more complicated than that. Does she feel she needs to play the game for him to support her through uni or can you do it without him?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/02/2023 21:29

anxiouspeace · 20/02/2023 21:37

Exactly this.

He’s putting his wish to be controlling ahead of her actual safety.

PritiPatelsMaker · 25/02/2023 16:57

I would talk to her about how the message made her feel and let her know that it's ok to block her F, if she wanted to.

Comefromaway · 01/03/2023 11:49

That is so controlling.

Ds does have find my iphone on (as do I) because we have both lost our phones in the past and being able to see/ping them is useful. I don't even have him or dd on Snapchat. I did laugh when his friend was running late to a gig and ds was able to see where he was on Snapchap maps. There is a group of 4 of the all on it an dI laughed at the though of them stalking each other!

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