Regret Not Having a Third

[NYCMUM12]

I have 2 AMAZING children (7&5). I adore them, and my husband is amazing. We all have the absolute best time together. I always wanted a third, unfortunately when my youngest was two I was diagnosed with cancer. Everything went find and it didn’t really effect our family much. But between treatment and waiting the appropriate amount of time for reoccurrence risk my dream of having a third was put on hold. I’ve now gotten the green light from many, many doctors to go ahead. But my kids are so old now, how would a third affect them and all we do together? The four of us do everything together and I love it, I don’t want to miss anything with them.
I have read many boards on here that have a large age gap and they think it’s lovely, but the baby is only 6 months old. What’s it like when it’s 6,12,14 or 10,16,18?
We are lucky enough that money is not an issue for anything and I’m a stay at home Mum.
Should I just be happy with our amazing little family? Will the hurt of not having a third go away?
Would love to hear thoughts from anyone who has gone through this!

I think it's really hard to find things that everyone would like to do with a big age gap and you could find that when you're out as a family that dad ends up doing something with the older ones while you look after or do something with the youngest. It sounds like you're all really happy, I wouldn't do anything that might change or have an impact on that.

I have a DD 18, DS 15 and DD 9,i planned my 3rd at that time and wouldn't have had a 3rd with a closer gap. I found perfect as older ones were at school so i loved having a baby again and they were also really helpful esp DD who was 8 at time. My 2 DD's are incredibly close and the younger one loves having a big sister who now drives and takes her places, 3rd was just so easy for me .

@Squidge123 that really is the dream, isn’t it? I’m so happy for you!! Is your oldest in Uni? How’s your youngest handling it? You’re so lucky!

My kids were 14, 11 and 8 when I had my fourth

My kids are currently 23, 22 and 13. The 23 year old and the 13 year old have always been thick as thieves. Age gap hasn’t been a problem for us

My dc are 23, 20 & 14 & honestly it’s been fantastic. We have always been an outdoorsy family so that may have made activities easier.

My eldest and youngest are very close, they’re 25 and 15.

I am 13 years older than my sister. I loved having a cute baby at home, my friends loved it too. I did her nappies and baths and took her to the park and she used to come in with me as a toddler when she was scared in the night.

I think it was a bit harder on my other sister who was 8 as she then became a middle child but they are really close now. I have a different relationship as I left home when she was still
a small child but we are still close.

Evening! My eldest is 15y, middle 12y, and third 3 months :) the older two ADORE the youngest so much. Parenting seems easier now I am older, there are extra pairs of hands to enjoy/appreciate little ones milestones/cuteness, they help out, and we make time for each other (we're all firm believers in 121 time). Saying this, reality is me breastfeeding (cluster feeds) for few hours in the evening, then being too tired to enjoy games night/movie with the older ones as oxytocin makes me sleepy and with the night feeds, I'm happy to get my head down. Indeed I sacrifice the evenings so try to make it up to all family members in between the nooks and crannies of his work/older children schooling. Saying this, older ones have their own things they want to do with their friends anyway. I'm back at work when LO us 9m. Don't live with regrets I say!

@NYCMUM12 we are in a very similar boat.

I was diagnosed with cancer when my second child was tiny. I had also planned on having three kids. Mine are now 5 and 3, and after many, many scans I have been given the go ahead to try for a third. If I even manage to get pregnant, the age gap isn't what I had planned - will be at least 4.5 years between my younger and a new baby. And I'll be an older mother than I had hoped to be.

But I think there are some positives too. My elder two are close enough in age that they can do similar things together, with just their dad as necessary if I need to look after the baby. And maternity leave will be nice with two school age children - they won't have to go to wraparound care for a year, and I'll have lots of time with just the baby. There will be some things that get delayed, such as adventurous holidays and evening meals out. But, thinking of the long term, I think it balances out. There were 8 years between my dad and my uncle, and in later years they had a wonderful relationship and the age gap was irrelevant.

All the best with your decision making.

If you still want a third go for it 😊 x

@RedemptiveClause so happy you’re healthy! Thank you for sharing your story, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. All the best to you!!

Op, what did you decide on the end?

@NYCMUM12 did you end up choosing to go ahead with a third?

op! I’m invested! 😂

This thread popped up unexpectedly! So strange to re-read my previous response - I got pregnant not long after posting, and my lovely third baby is now 4 months old. Hope all is well with you @NYCMUM12