Son getting married

[mamawithabigheart]

I have a son (m24) who is getting married which is lovely, however after finding out details I’m not sure I can attend.

he has has a work colleague/friend who’s gf bullied my daughter (f25) she was racially bullying her and was quite vicious. My son didn’t know this at the time and the chances of this girl being the gf of my sons friend is just coincidence. Anyway this all came out last year and ever since my daughter has distanced herself from the family. My son and his gf had a baby and he chose this work colleague/friend and the gf to be god parents. We knew nothing if this until my sons gf asked my daughter to be a godparent and said who the other godparents were. I received a text from my daughter saying she doesn’t want to be a godparent and she was second choice and also she wants nothing to do with my son & gf because of the other girl, when I pushed her about it she disclosed that when she was a teen she used to hang around with a group one of which was this girl and this girl turned on her and became quite racist and vicious telling her that if she died no one would care! This has had an affect on my daughter and of course my son now knows about this, however he was adamant in his choice of god parents and said that my daughter had to get over it! Roll on any family events the stress I go through because of this divide is unbearable now he is getting married and his fiancée is now friendly with this other girl despite knowing what she did to my daughter, the girl is heavily involved in the planning, her parents gave said they could have the wedding at their house (they have a field that can have a marquee) her mum will be officiating the wedding…. I have not had any involvement and now I feel I can’t go because of how I feel about this girl and what she put my daughter through! I’m so torn up about it all, what should be a happy time is actually making me so sad and I’m in tears because I would love to see my son get married but now I feel I can’t. I don’t want to upset them and I’m so scared that they’ll stop me from seeing my grandchild whom I absolutely adore. They keep saying they’re like family! Which is a kick in the gut to me! I feel so sad and alone on this and I can’t voice how I feel for fear of what could happen!

what I want to say is I will always be here for them as I am now but I can’t go to a wedding that hosted by a family that I hate. I wish them a really happy day and I hope they have the day they dream of.

i feel selfish but I feel like I’ve already lost my daughter now I may lose my son too.

Hm. I’m sure we all know someone who knows someone who’s done something we don’t like or agree with. But if we lived life trying to avoid those people in the flesh we would never go anywhere or do anything.

You don’t have to like her, you don’t have to speak to her. You can ask DS or do it yourself and make it clear to this girl that you’re attending the wedding to support your son and his fiancée marriage, but ultimately you haven’t forgotten nor forgave her for her actions.. and just hope she keeps her distance and doesn’t try to be ‘nicely’ at the wedding.

but to not go to your sons wedding because there’s a connection to someone you don’t like going is a bit daft and you’ll likely regret it.

I’m getting married this year and if my mum didn’t come because she doesn’t like my fiancés one friend who will happen to be there.. I would pretty hurt that she couldn’t just grin and bare being at the same event as them for a day.

How long ago did this happen to your daughter? Surely the adult thing here would be to speak to this woman about her behaviour as a teenager. Your daughter doesn’t have to like this woman but I think it’s an over reaction to cut herself from her family and a huge over reaction from you to not attend the wedding. Are you feeling guilty your daughter didn’t tell you about this horrible experience until recently? Don’t allow a teenager’s terrible behaviour years ago ruin your son’s wedding. Your daughter obviously needs support on this but from your son’s point of view I can also see he might feel your daughter is making first of all his son’s christening and now his wedding all about her. It’s a very strong reaction to say you hate this woman’s family when surely you don’t know them?