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Parents of adult children

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Dad and Christmas

11 replies

Tra72 · 31/12/2022 11:40

I have something that has really upset me and can’t get it out of my head.
i am one of 4 sisters all of us adults with children. Our Dad left 25 years ago but we all have regular contact with him call and visit frequently. Any way since leaving mum for someone else he changed a lot, one of the biggest things that changed he went from never having money to sorting himself out and having plenty. He left mum just after losing their home and to bring up the two youngest on her own. Anyway we have grown to accept his change and just get on with things.
we all get a budget at Christmas £20 for the daughters and partners to share and £30 to each grandchild until they reach 18 then it goes down to £20. We all always buy him and his wife something to the value of around £50 (he evens gives us a list sometimes what they want)
anyway this year myself and one other sister have really struggled with money and was finding Christmas hard, so dad rang and said I understand you are both struggling and have come up with an idea that don’t bother with presents with us this year and we won’t buy you. We both agreed to this to save us some money. Anyway it came to Christmas and he has dropped of all the items and Christmas cards. And he kept to his word he gave two of my sisters their £20 and the grandchildren their £30/£20. Nothing for us two which I suppose if that makes him feel better let him get on with it. But what has hurt more out of this is that we also didn’t get a Christmas card. My daughter got a card but not me, same with my other sister her children got one but not her. I feel like this is a massive kick in the teeth and after the year we have gone through he’s made it worse. All I wanted was a little support to say hey don’t worry things will pick up, Happy Christmas. I don’t want or expect his financial help just support.
am I wrong and overthinking things or should I confront him. He obviously knows something is wrong has he’s not tried to contact me at all over Christmas.

OP posts:
Ladybug14 · 03/01/2023 07:34

It seems odd not to send a card. It's almost as though he links the card and gift....so not sending a gift means he doesn't send a card.

Have you chatted to him about it?

MintJulia · 03/01/2023 07:38

Did you see him over Xmas? Lots of people didn't post cards because of the post strike. He could have sent you an electronic equivalent though. It is pretty thoughtless.

And things will pick up. Flowers

Willmafrockfit · 03/01/2023 07:44

i am not sure,
does he normally send or give cards?
i think there is less card sending now

familyissues12345 · 03/01/2023 07:59

Personally I think it's a bit sad that knowing times are hard for you that he didn't continue to give you both something but not expect something in return

Holly60 · 03/01/2023 08:15

If one of my adult children was struggling at Christmas, id give them some money to tide them over AND a gift to pick them up.

Your dad is not as caring as he should be. I'm sorry.

Holly60 · 03/01/2023 08:16

Also I'd say you aren't really sad about the card, your sad because you know that the caring thing would have been to at least give you a little gift too.

And you aren't wrong - he was mean.

kitcat15 · 03/01/2023 08:19

Your dad sounds like a wanker….absolutely no way would I do this to my 3 adult kids…..if they were down on their luck I would say don’t buy us but I would probably give a few quid more…..mean mean mean

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 03/01/2023 08:47

He's an arsehole.

Did he send your and your sisters kids the usual £30 or did they get nothing too?

Tra72 · 03/01/2023 09:17

Hi, yes the others got theirs. I’ve made the decision that I’m not going to fall out with him over it but take a step back as he obviously thinks more of his money than peoples feelings. It’s his birthday in March Maybe he will realise how it feels when he doesn’t receive anything from me.

OP posts:
Tra72 · 03/01/2023 09:19

Your probably right to be honest, even a box of chocolates would have made me happy.

OP posts:
Ladybug14 · 03/01/2023 09:33

Tbh I'd talk to him about it before stepping back. Unless he's usually a twat lately, I'd give him a chance to redeem himself

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