Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Flip

Original poster

Child's partner moving in

20 replies

motherhubbard12 · 27/12/2022 17:36

My Dd had planned to move in with her partner in a flat together in the new year. They both currently live at home. Tbh the cost of living makes this impossible. I am toying with the idea of letting him move in with us for a while. But I know once he's there it would be extremely difficult to ask him to go. Has anyone done this? What are the downsides? He's very nice - works full time - would pay his way. My house isn't huge. They would need to share a room. I have another DC who is out a lot with friends.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 27/12/2022 17:38

Can’t he just stay over sometimes?

Nimbostratus100 · 27/12/2022 17:39

I agree, make the offer of one or two regular nights a week

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 27/12/2022 17:39

An over 18's shared rota?

Summer2424 · 27/12/2022 17:41

@motherhubbard12 it's such an ideal situation for me personally i lived with in laws and it can be difficult, like living as a guest. If you all get along then defo go for it.

iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 27/12/2022 17:41

They would need to share a room. .... well, of course they would?!

emptythelitterbox · 29/12/2022 13:03

What's the rush?

Do they have well paid secure jobs?

Ragruggers · 29/12/2022 13:05

How old are they? They should look at a house share which would be cheaper.

SapatSea · 30/12/2022 16:32

i would be asking your younger DD what she thinks about it first. She may feel uncomfortable with an unknown bloke in the house. I'd also find out if your DD wants her BF to move in with you. It's a very generous thing to ffer so I'd have a really good think about how you would want it to work re chores, money etc.

Crazykatie · 30/12/2022 17:19

No, I never allowed any of mine to bring a partner home, couple should have their own space, certainly not sharing with parents.

ApolloandDaphne · 30/12/2022 17:22

Crazykatie · 30/12/2022 17:19

No, I never allowed any of mine to bring a partner home, couple should have their own space, certainly not sharing with parents.

Like never? Not even for a visit?

MadMadMadamMim · 30/12/2022 17:33

We have DD and her fiancee living with us whilst they save for a house deposit. It works well, but we have plenty of room to be honest. They both work full time, as do I - DH is retired. We have enough room that they have their own sitting room in an evening as well as sharing her old bedroom for sleeping in.

They've lived away from home for about 6 years and decided that renting was simply dead money and they'd never save for their own house. We've been fortunate to be able to take them in, but I would say space is key. They are both lovely, help out around the place and go their own way to a great extent. We sort of treat it as a flat share - if they are in and I'm cooking I don't mind cooking for them, but they often have other plans. (DD is a nurse and works shifts).

Crazykatie · 31/12/2022 08:50

ApolloandDaphne · 30/12/2022 17:22

Like never? Not even for a visit?

Show quote history

Overnight occasionally no more, they all left home around 19 and became independant very quickly, with hindsight I’d do it again.

Dotcheck · 31/12/2022 08:53

How old are they? Are they established/ solid?

strawberrysummer23 · 06/01/2023 08:35

What I find change is you call him your ' child's ' partner - how old is your daughter ?!
'Also they would need to share a room ?'
I find this very odd wording
No comes to mind

Itschristmastimeinthecity · 06/01/2023 08:42

Like PP asked, What's the rush to move in together?

Do they have good paying jobs?

If they're gonna struggle to make ends meet then why not just hunker down where they are?

I personally wouldn't be inviting my child's boyfriend to come live with us.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 06/01/2023 08:49

How big is your house? In my view it is a very different prospect to moving someone into a 5 bed with two lounges and three bathrooms vs a 3 bed with one bathroom and just one reception room downstairs.

Rafting2022 · 07/01/2023 06:53

I’m in the same situation currently - my 27 year old wants to move back home with his partner to save for a mortgage. Currently renting. I’m not thrilled about it to be honest. I will always support my son but it’s a massive change to be living with an adult couple.

If they are that serious about saving, they can both stay at their respective parents and stay over a couple of times a week. I feel there has to be some compromise on both sides and some inconvenience/incentive to save up quickly rather than getting too comfortable in your home. Also set some kind of time limit on it.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 07/01/2023 06:58

In my 30s now but out of my friends the only ones who own houses now are the ones who were able to live with their parents with their partner to save for a deposit in their 20s.

None of them had any issues the incentive was they wanted their own space as a couple lol. For those who already lived together they didn't want to then live separately again or one of them was unable due to parents moving/downsizing. Or the ones who hadn't lived together wanted to make sure they could live together happily before making a huge commitment like buying a house.

Remona · 07/01/2023 07:00

It would be a no from me. The partner can stop over a couple of nights but moving in? Absolutely not.

Your house wouldn’t be your own. I can almost guarantee they won’t pull their weight and will expect their parents to do everything. It would be cheap and comfortable living back at home and it’d be hard to get them to leave I think. Adult DC seem to be under the illusion that parents really want them back at home. We really don’t!

Never start something that you’re going to want to get out of. Your instincts are warning you already that you’re not happy with the plan. Listen to them.

Rafting2022 · 07/01/2023 07:14

Great advice from @Remona completely agree. Even at the point they have enough money to buy and find a house it could still take ages to actually be moved out - purchase could take ages, fall through, problems with survey etc.

Have they sat down with you and explained their financial plans to you and likely timescales? Are you able to help them out financially instead?

Flip