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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

DH not backing me up

13 replies

Mumtothreeandadog · 18/12/2022 08:31

Every time I try to parent DC, DH comes along and doesn't back me up or patronising me. He has been the same since they were born but of course they didn't notice then. All he does now is work, talk about work, sleep or patronise me.

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 18/12/2022 08:32

Push back?

Pictograph · 18/12/2022 08:33

Can you give an example OP?

maltesersarethedevil · 18/12/2022 08:33

Have my very first LTB.

He doesn't respect you, your children will follow suit and think that's it's normal. I understand there are worse things a partner could do but I'd leave. You should be a team.

On the occasion one of us disagrees with a parenting decision the other made we discuss it later away from the children.

MissyB1 · 18/12/2022 08:34

Can you be more precise? A few examples? And how old are the kids now?

Original poster
Mumtothreeandadog · 18/12/2022 09:27

Some of the examples seem petty and I let them wash over me. A few years ago, DB were cuddled up to me on the sofa and he had a right go at me for treating them like babies, i did push back and told him that they came to me. Our DD 20 is awful at getting up in the morning, if I try and wake her up, I should have left her to get herself up, if I don't wake her her up, I should have woken her up. I can never get it right. I have got to the point that I wait to be told then hopefully I will be right. He constantly makes comments like I was only joking.

Some things aren't DC related, he complains how I load the dishwasher, pull the curtains back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumtothreeandadog · 18/12/2022 09:28

DB are 19 and DD is 20

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 18/12/2022 09:33

Have you told him that he is getting on your nerves and to stop talking to you like that?
Say that and then leave it. If he starts again sat “What have u told you?”
See if he makes any attempt to take what you say onboard. If not you have 2 choices;

  1. accept this is your life
  2. leave.
Penguinsaregreat · 18/12/2022 09:33

I not u.

Original poster
Mumtothreeandadog · 18/12/2022 09:34

If I ask DC to do something simple like bring their dirty washing downstairs and they don't do it, he doesn't say listen to your mum and bring it down, he will say I am nagging them. I ask them and don't expect them to jump up and immediately do it but by the end of the day seems reasonable? Sorry just feeling like the big bad wolf

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 18/12/2022 10:48

Mumtothreeandadog · 18/12/2022 09:34

If I ask DC to do something simple like bring their dirty washing downstairs and they don't do it, he doesn't say listen to your mum and bring it down, he will say I am nagging them. I ask them and don't expect them to jump up and immediately do it but by the end of the day seems reasonable? Sorry just feeling like the big bad wolf

You arent the big bad wolf, he's an arse. I would have to tell him what an arse he is.

RubiesandRose · 18/12/2022 10:53

I think you have one big petulant baby and it's not any of your kids!

Original poster
Mumtothreeandadog · 18/12/2022 11:13

Yeah but I'm trapped 😕

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 18/12/2022 14:11

Mumtothreeandadog · 18/12/2022 11:13

Yeah but I'm trapped 😕

Not forever. Bide your time and start planning. That’s what I did and I got out.

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