No more family holidays

[Boysgrownbutstillathome]

My two adult DS's still live at home. DS1 (26) has special needs and will be living with us for the foreseeable future. DS2 (24) will move out once he can afford it. Every year I ask DS2 if he wants to come on our next holiday with us and up until now he has always said yes but yesterday I asked him and he said no. I knew this would happen one day and thought I was prepared, but actually I feel gutted. He can be a bit moany and sulky on holiday, which we won't miss but otherwise I will miss him soooo much. I normally feel excited planning holidays but now I feel really sad and tearful. We don't see much of him at home as he is out a lot and mostly stays up in his room when he is in. I love having all my family together for a week doing fun and relaxing things but I feel those days are gone now.😢

You did well if he was still holidaying with you at 23 tbh! 😮

I know, I have felt very lucky.

I know just how you feel. My adult DC often came on holiday with me and I loved spending time together. We had a few years when they didn't but now they've got DC of their own they ask me to go with them. I feel very lucky to be included.

Our family holidays ended when our 15 yr old DS decided to go away with the Scouts instead. We had some lovely holidays on our own, doing just what we wanted to do. Twenty years on I go away with DD.

It might change again in the future. I started holidaying again with my DPs when I had the DC.

Awww it'll be ok! My children are late 20s/30s now and they enjoy spending time with us again. They have to detach so they can re-attach as adults. Hugs 💕

I can totally relate OP. I have disabled ds who is increasingly hard to manage on holiday, but the older two don't want to go away with us at all now, they are early 20s and late teens. I feel like I don't want to go away anywhere again, and I was the type to live for holidays.

At 24 I wouldn’t have asked him anyway. 21 is cut off and only if they’re at uni. Can’t wait!

We just had our last family of 4 holiday this summer because of big birthdays for us and them. It was great but also difficult.

I think it depends where you go and what kind of holiday. I've always tailored holidays to what they would like. Also things change a lot from teens to early 20s and again when they are older.
Mine both came along up to ages 21 and 23 on holidays abroad.
The younger one came abroad with DH and I up to this year. He is very easy going and great company.
Both still do at least one UK break a year.
What I have found is that they will happily come for a few days or a weekend if I book a large house or apartment and invite them and partners. Usually in Yorkshire dales or coast. One works from home so sometimes comes along and works during the day.
The older one has said he will come along again once they have children just as my parents came with us when DC were little.

Just back from a holiday over Easter with my 16 year old and kind of think that might be the last major holiday I have with him. I won't be able to afford to go away for another few years and by then I assume he'll have his own thing going on and will have zero interest in a holiday with his mum and sister. And I am perfectly OK with that! I have had some great trips throughout my life before and while having children (sometimes with them, sometimes without). There being there or not is not the be all and end all. So I find your attitude perplexing to be honest!

I miss the days when they just came along and got on with it. But then we tailored the holidays very much to their needs, which had its own frustrations for me!

But our eldest (now early 20s) has grown up to hate walking anywhere, sightseeing of any sort etc, and it's a relief they don't want to come anymore. (We did do an all inclusive thing last year for all of us).

Nearly 18 yo is not like that- is fine to walk and is interested (up to a certain teenage self absorption limit) in seeing interesting places. So we have had one holiday as a 3, and have 2 more booked.

My DC (mid 20s) both left home at 18 for uni, and would like to be seen as independent, although they dip in and out of holidays with us. Last year we had a post covid 2-week sun holiday to one of our favourite destinations as just the 4 of us. I am not sure that we will ever repeat this as they now have partners and jobs, although I am planning a trip for next year which they are welcome to join.
I have holidayed as an adult with my parents and in-laws usually as a large family holiday so I hope we will have more opportunities in the future.

Lots of people go on holidays with their older parents. I didn't in my teens or 20s but that changed when I had dc. It's not like se hard stop date.

I personally can't wait to go on holidays with just DH again. Vietnam is top of my list. Maybe Thailand. Japan Iight do with DC in tow. You can go on better holidays when you have same budget but only 2 people and much more similar interests hopefully.

I’m of an age where I had my last holiday with my parents when I was 17…in later years after my mum died my dad came with us…now I have neither parent and I really wish I could have had holidays with them as an adult…we had a holiday with our adult dc last year and it was lovely…hopefully there’ll be more, not every year but maybe every couple of years.

Dh and I have plenty holidays for just the 2 of us and it’s great…once you get your head round it OP, you’ll enjoy it, and as another pp has said, the have to detach then reattach (love that phrase!)

I wouldn’t assume it’s over for good. If you get along well you might find he wants to come along again - and bring his own family - as he gets older. Who knows!

In the future there is the opportunities to have smaller breaks together - perhaps for a shared interest. I am well into my 40s and me and my family gather for the odd Formula 1 event etc.

I think it’s healthy for this to stop tbh. You should relish time with your DH & your son needs to get on with his own life.

OP I know how exactly you feel. My youngest DS has finally saved enough for his deposit and is moving out at the end of May. He is 27 so I know it's normal to move out and lucky he stayed as long as he did but I feel a bit tearful and he is only moving a mile away. He came on holiday until he was 22 after that goes with friends. Just be grateful you have a good relationship with your son and if/when he has children the chances are he might go on holiday with you again, especially if you offer to pay.

We had a hiatus for a few years but this summer both my kids, partners and grand child are coming with us. Mind you, it is costing us a fortune but I don’t care.

I know it feels very sad. But it might change. That's what I'm hoping