Page 3 | What age did you find most difficult to raise?

Mimi1313 · 2022-11-14T00:05:00+00:00

I've always wondered what the hardest years are! To those experienced parents please share your expertise and let me know what age you found the hardest to raise and why?

KohlaParasaurus · 16/11/2022 08:07

Teens. I loved having babies and small children and had lots of them. I looked forward to them growing older because every phase was so much fun. How naive I was. And I KNEW what I'd been like myself as a teenager (in my defence, my younger sisters had appeared to sail through the teenage years). My youngest daughter watched in horror as her older siblings caused havoc and said, "I'm never going to do that to you." She just found different ways.

They're all excellent young adults now.

TheaBrandt · 16/11/2022 08:08

My teens are lovely but they have to interact with other peoples vile teen offspring. Never forget dd2 aged 13 coming home literally in shock as her “friendship” group not only kicked her out but spread mad rumours about her so no one else could be friends with her either. Say alone at lunch. Walked home alone. Even her English teacher kept her behind to say “stay strong they are bitches you are better than them”. They were jealous.

Post script she rebuilt is now the coolest girl in school but is always and always has been kind to other people

Heyhoniddy · 16/11/2022 08:08

saraclara · 14/11/2022 00:19

I'm not actually raising them now, of course, but I'm finding their adulthood the hardest.
MN hasn't helped. I'm on pins constantly worrying about my place in their lives and what I should/shouldn't do or say and what my role is/isn't in their lives. And of course I still want to protect them but can't actually do anything because I have no control. Everything has, rightly, to be their decision and is none of my business.

I'm also now of the age that they think I can't possibly know stuff and it makes me feel small and useless.

Just this. Glad I’m not alone!

crossstitchingnana · 16/11/2022 08:09

15-17, my dd nearly broke me. Honestly. The sleep deprivation from the earliest months were tough, but they didn't destroy my self-esteem and well-being like those mid-teen years.

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 16/11/2022 08:11

For my boys age 2-3

and then a long pause

and then 17 🤯🤯🤯

Savoretti · 16/11/2022 08:12

Teenage
No shadow of a doubt there

Ragwort · 16/11/2022 08:13

Teenage again here for our DS ... 14-16 was the worse. And he wasn't a particularly 'challenging' teen. We were lucky in that he was a very easy baby and toddler ... slept most of the time .

PermanentTemporary · 16/11/2022 08:14

0-8 months was terrible tbh though with compensations. Once ds was mobile in some form he was such a happy little thing but he hated not being able to move.

8-13 was ok but not very joyful - the poo jokes went on toooooo long and he was quite complainy and probably more fragile than I allowed for.

14 onwards was and is fantastic.

CrotchetyQuaver · 16/11/2022 08:28

Teens for me. The first year or so (babies) was pretty gruelling (13 month age gap) but the teenage years were hard going with attitude and the door slamming and general constant testing of the boundaries. She grew out of it though thank goodness

pumpkinelvis · 16/11/2022 09:02

Physically and in terms of tiredness then prob 1-2, but as they get older the worrying kicks in more- learning, social aspects (friends), schooling. My dc11 needs me more emotionally now than when she was younger. The 4-8 years was lovely and a breeze.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 16/11/2022 09:20

Teen

Sleep and trantrums if toddlers are literally nothing in comparison to the worry about teen issues that you can't really do anything about

They need you just as much but push you away

It's a huge worry. You can go through fed up sad angry and proud in the space of an hour.

I'm hating it

CloudPop · 16/11/2022 12:30

saraclara · 14/11/2022 00:19

I'm not actually raising them now, of course, but I'm finding their adulthood the hardest.
MN hasn't helped. I'm on pins constantly worrying about my place in their lives and what I should/shouldn't do or say and what my role is/isn't in their lives. And of course I still want to protect them but can't actually do anything because I have no control. Everything has, rightly, to be their decision and is none of my business.

I'm also now of the age that they think I can't possibly know stuff and it makes me feel small and useless.

😢 I've been wondering about this.

NutTNana · 17/11/2022 06:10

The toughest years to be a parent are when your child turns 15 years, I believe.
Two weeks ago I had my 70th birthday. I definitely don't look or feel that age and I think, as a mum of six and Nan to twenty grandchildren that I have very little respect or love shown to me by my adult children. Unfortunately I have multiple sclerosis and a couple of life-affecting conditions. My third son took his own life just six years ago which was devastating to the whole family, so now I have five adult children. My eldest son has told me that he is going through tests as lymphoma is suspected. My second son fell out with me over £17, because I objected to him calling me a thief and a liar. That was a year ago and I've tried to talk with him but he's even changed his phone number. My only daughter, my fourth child, has eight children of her own and is critical of me for not spending more time with her kids. She doesn't appear to understand that I'm having more and more bad days as time goes on. I truly do adore all of my grandchildren. Actually, I was birth partner to my daughter for six of her baby births. Then my fifth child, Jon, has learning difficulties, went to spend a few days with his sister four months ago and wants to stay there. As long as he is happy and safe that's fine by me. He is 34y old and I know he deserves respect as any grown person should be shown. Finally there is my last son who is 32y old. He lives at home as he has separated from the mother of his two children, a boy aged 6 and a girl aged 3. Currently he is out of work so he is depending on me and his Dad for everything. We have even insured him to drive our car. He is a smoker and enjoys beer. His children come to our house for two and a half days every week and of course, they eat here. I am a pensioner and my husband is my 24/7 carer so he is unable to work. The money pot is small but both of these grandchildren have to be clothed so that falls to us too. This 'baby' of the family is draining us of everything we have and I don't know what to do. Of course he is my son and I love him. How do I learn to cope with some of the criticisms and selfishness that I am being shown? I truly would give the skin, let alone the shirt, off my back for anyone of my family. Please help me.

NutTNana · 17/11/2022 06:23

I so understand how you are feeling. 😥

KangarooKenny · 17/11/2022 06:27

DS at the high school age.

Monty27 · 17/11/2022 06:42

Definitely the tweenies years when they don't know who or where they are in status. And of course they soooo just know everything. Lots of mood swings. Good job I adored them.
I'd do all of it again in a heartbeat as they're both late twenties now.

schnubbins · 17/11/2022 06:52

The teenage years were frankly awful. I don’t know if I am still the same person after it. Mainly due to a girlfriend of my eldest . A nightmare lasting four years . That on top of all the other shite that goes on. I still catch my breath when I think about it and the feeling of helplessness. The baby toddler years were a doddle in comparison. Those boys however have turned into fabulous young men . So the motto is to never give up no matter how difficult it gets.

mondaytosunday · 17/11/2022 07:35

Teenage years by far. My second was a bit of a nightmare until 3 months but that was just physically tiring. Then of course young kids need constant minding and entertaining. Sure there are behaviour and maybe a bit of school challenges.
But they hit teens and they are contrary, confused, dealing with first loves, sex, exposure to drink and drugs. Exam stress. Friendship issues. Future goals (or lack of them). They start to realise that they may not be smart enough to be X or good enough to be on the football team. That growing up isn't just doing what you want, but mostly doing what you have to. They may be physically bigger than you and that in itself can be a real psychological shift. They have definite ideas and ambitions that you do not share. Yet they are still kids that rely on you.
Your happy go lucky funny kid may become an anxious and overwhelmed teen. Even the ones who seem to have it together - do well in school and are well behaved - they have doubts and crisis and it's no longer a case of a trip to the toy shop or a few cuddles to take away the pain.
I find nd the mental stress of teenagers, the worry that they are not just unhappy but really struggling.

DuncanBiscuits · 17/11/2022 07:45

NutTNana · 17/11/2022 06:10

The toughest years to be a parent are when your child turns 15 years, I believe.
Two weeks ago I had my 70th birthday. I definitely don't look or feel that age and I think, as a mum of six and Nan to twenty grandchildren that I have very little respect or love shown to me by my adult children. Unfortunately I have multiple sclerosis and a couple of life-affecting conditions. My third son took his own life just six years ago which was devastating to the whole family, so now I have five adult children. My eldest son has told me that he is going through tests as lymphoma is suspected. My second son fell out with me over £17, because I objected to him calling me a thief and a liar. That was a year ago and I've tried to talk with him but he's even changed his phone number. My only daughter, my fourth child, has eight children of her own and is critical of me for not spending more time with her kids. She doesn't appear to understand that I'm having more and more bad days as time goes on. I truly do adore all of my grandchildren. Actually, I was birth partner to my daughter for six of her baby births. Then my fifth child, Jon, has learning difficulties, went to spend a few days with his sister four months ago and wants to stay there. As long as he is happy and safe that's fine by me. He is 34y old and I know he deserves respect as any grown person should be shown. Finally there is my last son who is 32y old. He lives at home as he has separated from the mother of his two children, a boy aged 6 and a girl aged 3. Currently he is out of work so he is depending on me and his Dad for everything. We have even insured him to drive our car. He is a smoker and enjoys beer. His children come to our house for two and a half days every week and of course, they eat here. I am a pensioner and my husband is my 24/7 carer so he is unable to work. The money pot is small but both of these grandchildren have to be clothed so that falls to us too. This 'baby' of the family is draining us of everything we have and I don't know what to do. Of course he is my son and I love him. How do I learn to cope with some of the criticisms and selfishness that I am being shown? I truly would give the skin, let alone the shirt, off my back for anyone of my family. Please help me.

I couldn’t ignore this, you sound so sad.

You're going to have to show some tough love. No more subsidising beer and cigarettes for a grown man. Your children should be clothing their own children. The bank of mum and dad has to close.

I’m sorry to hear about your poorly son, though. I hope all is well.

Parenting adults is hard. I’m finding it tough going in lots of ways.

UsernameIsCopied · 17/11/2022 07:51

saraclara · 14/11/2022 00:19

I'm not actually raising them now, of course, but I'm finding their adulthood the hardest.
MN hasn't helped. I'm on pins constantly worrying about my place in their lives and what I should/shouldn't do or say and what my role is/isn't in their lives. And of course I still want to protect them but can't actually do anything because I have no control. Everything has, rightly, to be their decision and is none of my business.

I'm also now of the age that they think I can't possibly know stuff and it makes me feel small and useless.

I feel for you and hope you find your place as a mum of adult children 💐

I am really worried about the teenage years. I'm finding DC2 extremely challenging and I am terrified he's going to be even worse once he's a teenager. I think I need to stop reading this thread!

Pickledsprouts · 17/11/2022 07:56

Teenage years by far - There has never been another point or time in my life where it has been so clear that control over my life is an illusion - it's quite eye opening, and it changed me. Before the teenage years I was all "I wish I had more kids"... afterwards I was "Thank God I didn't have more kids". It is hard - and I am well and truly over to the other side (youngest is 25), I got my life back and I got my sanity back and I got a good relationship with my DC back. When you're in the middle of it you think that is never going to happen.

The society we have created seems to make everything much more stressful than it needs to be - a lot of pressure from so many areas. Something needs to give because I think I had it easy compared to people who are raising teenagers today.

WhatIsThisPlease · 17/11/2022 08:38

Late teens for me. The problems they encounter are so much bigger. And not usually things you can 'fix'

Financially it's harder too.

goosegrease789 · 17/11/2022 08:40

Between fourteen and nineteen years. Hellish in parts! Improving now!

TheaBrandt · 17/11/2022 08:42

Those posts “I have 3 delightful poppets under 6 shall we have a fourth” make my blood run cold…

Cloudhopping · 17/11/2022 08:51

Newborns! I've got 2 teen dd's (16 and 14) and I'd say this is the easiest phase yet. Mind you I think that's a bit of luck and I know it can all change in a heartbeat. Dare I say it but I like teenagers generally - love the zest for life, bit of rebelliousness, finding their feet etc....