Upset

[Walkedon]

Grown up children, in my home celebrating grandchild’s 2nd birthday…. Discussing meal with my ex husband (albeit their father) the next night. Am I ok to be upset? Really upset

Unless they are saying that they can’t wait to see their dad and it will be so much better than being at your house then I do think YAB a little U.

YABU he's their dad, and they are there with you on a special day and not him. You had children with this man, they didn't decide for your marriage to not work out. So its perfectly fine for them to discuss their dad in front of you. Grow up.

Do you want them to have to keep seeing their Dad secret and hidden from you? They would not be as close to you if they have to always think before they speak and conceal parts of their lives around you instead of be themselves and talk about plans with family. What you're expecting from them isn't healthy and neither is being upset in front of them about their Dad, it shouldn't be their problem, it's not fair on your children and grandchild.

I think I'd try to not get too upset OP. I think it's positive that you've created an environment where they feel happy to openly discuss this in front of you.
But I do understand.

Do you want them not to see him or just to keep it from you when they do? What’s he done?

What is it that you are actually upset about?

It might be really helpful to break down exactly what it is that is upsetting you, then find your kind and nurturing inner voice and talk yourself through it?

You’re upset that your children are going out for dinner with their father, and that they were talking about it in your house? Really?

To be logical about this the fact that he wasn’t in your home celebrating with the rest of the family suggests that your kids see both of their parents separately. They are at your house one day, seeing their dad the next. I would think it much stranger if they felt they couldn’t talk about their dad in front of you.

Having said that I always think it is a little rude to discuss a social arrangement where someone hasn’t been invited in front of them but I would be a lot more relaxed about this with family.

It depends on what they were discussing about it. And would they know you found this so uncomfortable.

if it dominated the whole celebration, I can see being a bit annoyed.

I think it’s unrealistic to want your adult children to never mention their father

Discussing meal with my ex husband (albeit their father) the next night. Am I ok to be upset?

YABU. Your adult DC are entirely within their rights to see their father. After all, at some point you & he liked each other enough to conceive your DC. They are entitled to have a relationship with him.

I am an adult child with divorced parents; my mother despises my father. It's difficult, bearing the burden of her anger. Don't do it. Rise above it.

Why are you very upset about your DC having a meal with their father?