Empty nest.

[Mum24youngadults]

Hi! I'm new to this website. I'm after advise. I'm a mum in my 40s with 4 grown up kids. My hubby and I work fulltime. Youngest just turned 18. My middle daughter moved out to live with her friend. However my youngest stays with her sister most the time. My son 21 works fulltime or is in his room on computer games and my oldest daughter 23 works fulltume herself.

I find myself tearing up now and again and feel I need to find a hobby. Need to find myself again.

Anyone else feel like this?

Can totally sympathise , my older DD went to uni this year at 21 , and loving it, great, but doesn't can't see her visiting much has got partner with a house near the uni. Younger DD at college & working all the time so never see her. She will defo move out as soon as she can either work or study ( probably to work) I work part time and have OH but just feel redundant, like I don't really have a role anymore, or they don't need me , it's awful. I know for me , I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family & having my own family really filled the gap,
Have you got a good relationship with your DCs? I'm glad I have.
I never thought in a million years I would be like this !

You have spent a long raising your kids and it's easy to lose yourself and forget who you are . Is there anything you have fancied doing before you had children ? That you could take up now ?

Long time ..sorry bit tired !

I am a mum of four too, and sort of have the opposite problem in that they have all come back to live at home, we have 25, 24, 18 and 17 (last two never left yet ). I love them all dearly and don't mind them being at home, but by god, the mess, the noise, the drama, constant parcel deliveries, fighting over the washing machine and the tumble drier, the doors being left open, the lights being left on, the bickering, the cooking and the cleaning, the sudden arrival of "friends" in the middle of the night because X can't get a taxi home, the constant running them about everywhere, the borrowing of money because they've lost their card. I did take up a hobby this year (an art class, for 2 hours on a Wednesday night, and I refused point blank to take my phone because I knew it would "go" at some point due to someone not being able to find their socks (or some similar minor problem that should not be a problem for an adult). That said, when my first two went off to Uni (same time same year) I cried like I have never cried before - utterly bereft. The only thing that kept me going is that I knew that they had to live their lives and have the exciting experience to be adults, just like I had when I was younger, but still know that I was there for them. There are loads of advantages if you look on the bright side, you can travel, you can find a hobby, maybe one you had when you were younger, you can tie up your time without considering others, you can still be involved (esp if they have children). I realise it is easy to say these things though. Be glad you have brought up independent children. XX

Tbh, only 1 daughter has moved so I still have my son whoes 21 and my 23 and 18 year old daughters still at home.. The mess they leave is unbelievable so I'm glad I'm not the only one.
It's more loneliness for me as they don't seem to have time for mum much when im not at work. My house is quiet most the time as they are at work or out doing other stuff. I love hearing rhe giggles from my daughters when their are all together. My son likes his own space in his room on computer games.
I'm thinking about joining a local walk group and also helping out at my local food bank. Hoping to make some friends too.

You’re not alone. I had a little cry last night, watching the fireworks from the bathroom window and thinking about all the years we had bonfires and fireworks, with jacket potatoes for tea and toasted marshmallows.

I keep myself busy most of the time, but the redundancy hits me on what used to be special occasions.

Two sons, both live in different cities. One I hear from all the time, the other is very caught up in his own life.

I totally get it. Mine have all left. The house is quiet and I miss the banter and chatter and hearing about their jobs and nights out.
to everyone in the same boat

Both of mine are still at home 18 & 16 but I totally get the house being quiet and feeling a little lost from time to time. Both we're out last night and DH was working so it was Gogglebox for one.

I think a walking group and volunteering both sound lovely.

Have you heard of the Cinnamon Trust? They are a charity that arrange dog walkers for people who are elderly or people who are terminally ill. I've always thought that I might walk a dog for them when I have more time

I told my 27 year old daughter that I hated her. It was last week, it was the first time I've ever said it, I 100% did not mean it and I was too drunk to even know I said it. She told me over the weekend. I'm absolutely beside myself about this and I don't know what to do. She will forgive me but she'll never forget. I know this because I was brought up by a narcissist Mother and a stepfather who sexually abused me. My mother has 4 daughters and a son but only speaks to my brother. Our last conversation ended with her telling me that she didn't believe me about the abuse (despite the court case and guilty verdict). I know that she believes me and I've been baffled as to why she would say such a cruel thing. I sought advice online and realised that the only way to protect myself is to go no contact with her. I feel that if I were to advise my daughter about my behaviour, I would advise staying away from me. It's only ever when I'm drunk and under extreme stress, which I really have been. I'm disabled and, due to the lack of people in social care and the voluntary sector, I've ended up having to paint my bedroom myself. I've rested this weekend because I have another week of it (week 3) It's not a big room but I can only stand up for about 20 minutes at a time, with a of break of about the same amount of time, so it's taking forever. This has put me in a lot of pain and, sometimes I drink to kill the pain. The last time I drank, I got told that my ex husband (the love of my life) had died. I went into hysterics. I don't know what happened to me, unless it was just the drink. My daughter was on a date and dashed to my house. She was really supportive and tried to help me get it confirmed. Eventually, I found out that he hadn't died at all but he was in hospital and he has had his leg amputated. I can't go and see him. I can't do anything. I can't get out of the house on my own. My life is very small and the most important person in it is my daughter. Am I trying to push her away? If so, why? I do think she would be better off without me but she doesn't agree. I fear she will eventually, I was 50 before I cut my Mum off. I spent her whole life trying to be the Mum mine wasn't but it turns out I'm just like her. If anyone can relate and advise, I would be grateful. Obviously I need counseling but it's about as easy to get as a carer is, so no chance.