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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

22 years old with no job

15 replies

lilli30101968 · 18/10/2022 19:54

My 22 years old son drop Uni last year and been at home wont do no effort to find a job. As a parent I would like to help but don't know where to turn . Dad and I have spoken to him need to be proactive find a training but he is not. If anyone knows what else's I could do to help him or experience the same would appreciate I am really worried

OP posts:
thesandwich · 18/10/2022 19:56

Is he signing on? He could contact the national careers service. Does he have mh issues?

stargirl1701 · 18/10/2022 19:57

Does he spend all day (or night) using your wi-fi?

TottersBlankly · 18/10/2022 20:09

What was the reason why he dropped out of university? How close was he to finishing his course? That sounds as if it was a desperate situation - did he get or seek any support at the time?

Original poster
lilli30101968 · 18/10/2022 20:21

No he is not signing out

OP posts:
Original poster
lilli30101968 · 18/10/2022 20:22

He does go out to visit friends when u ask him

OP posts:
Original poster
lilli30101968 · 18/10/2022 20:26

He did not do well this year and was he is 3rd year, I dont think he got some support

OP posts:
TottersBlankly · 18/10/2022 20:44

Ok, so he was struggling? Was it the academic work? Or drugs? Or heartbreak? Or finances? Or not getting on with his fellow students?

Presumably you already know why he dropped out? He must surely need help with that before he’ll feel ready to tackle any next step. Leaving in your third year without completing your degree must be devastating.

Soozikinzii · 18/10/2022 20:54

If he was in his third year surely he's entitled to support to get through? Some courses you qualify for a diploma or HND after two years . The uni should be offering support to at least get that. I would phone them .They get alot of money for these courses .
Would he be interested in any trade type jobs ? Some courses to start them are quite reasonable such as basic tiling ?
Do you think he needs counselling . There are very good counsellors that uou can find ust on Google. You can read their cvs and see who's in your area or avaliable by phone .
Whichever way he decides to go I hope he finds the creight path for him.

thesandwich · 18/10/2022 22:03

Check on line for info about his unis careers service. It should offer him support even though he’s left.

Original poster
lilli30101968 · 19/10/2022 08:49

Thank you all for your reply really appreciate just a mum who sacrifice so much want child to achieve something. I will try counselling see if its not mental. When i talk to him he does not look at me in the eyes I ask if he is taking drugs the answer is no, but not sure . I hve try to find some unemployment centre for him to attend not interested. Thank you again I will check carreer service thesandwich. God bless you all

OP posts:
TottersBlankly · 19/10/2022 08:58

OP you haven’t said what help he received from his university when he left before completing his degree.

You absolutely must establish why he dropped out, before any progress can be made. Trauma serious enough to make someone leave university in their third year needs addressing thoroughly. Whatever the cause I can’t imagine he’s in any state to rush off to a Job Centre for a random job. His friends will just have graduated - I can’t imagine how unhappy / despairing / depressed he must be right now.

TottersBlankly · 19/10/2022 09:10

Also, you haven’t said how close he was to the end of the year.

Was it a three year course? And did he have a Student Loan? My understanding is that the loan can be paid for four years (can anyone confirm?) so he might be able to redo his final year. Whether that could happen at the same university or somewhere else might depend on the reason why he left.

It needs sorting out now, one way or another. He started a degree and must surely have anticipated leaving with a degree.

The thing is no one here can properly advise because we don’t know the cause of his having dropped out.

GOODCAT · 19/10/2022 09:21

I would be gently asking what his plan is for what happens next and that you don't want him to settle for moving home and not working. If he is finding it hard to know what to do, getting careers advice can help. Also signing on can help with that as they will push him to do something, so you only have to insist he signs on.

Unless he is ill, it is better for him to be out in the world of work and interacting with people than not doing anything. The longer it goes on the harder he will find it and that will impact his mental health.

I say this as someone who did drop out, but got back on track. Doing nothing couldn't be an option.

Weepachu · 19/10/2022 09:23

A stint in the armed forces will put hairs on his chest and make him grow up sharpish. Get him enrolled!

thesandwich · 19/10/2022 17:46

Is there anyone he would talk to? There must be more going on. Not sure the armed forces is the answer…… but he has to do something.
would he give you permission to speak to the uni?

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