Accidentally opened DSs post and found out he has some debt

[CrazyHorse]

I don't want to drip feed, but probably can't get everything in OP...

DS (is on Autistic spectrum) is now 24yo, was at Uni, dropped out in last term. I'm not sure what happened, it was in the last lockdown and his mental health can at times be very fragile and I know he really wasn't in a good place. I'm just glad he's still alive. He didn't complete his degree and now won't talk to me or DH or his younger siblings (We have emailed and written to him to tell him he is very, very loved and we are very proud of him). When he had to move out of his student accommodation he asked an elderly relative to collect him. He is now renting a room and working (minimum wage job, but full time so can support himself modestly). I roughly know where he lives, but not the address.

A few pieces of unimportant looking post has arrived, and I've put it to one side. Today I was tidying up, and thought one of the letters addressed to him was for me and opened it (DH had just shoved it on the desk, so I hadn't put it in the pile for DS). The letter says he owes the university over £300 (I had a massive shock at first think I owed the university!). This wasn't the most recent letter from them, so I'm guessing they are now taking legal proceedings.

My first instinct was to pay the debt for him. But if I paid it, that would mean his younger siblings would go without in some way (not essentials, but fewer treats and smaller Christmas presents).
Then I thought well, he'll just have to pay it - but then he doesn't know the debt exists (or maybe he does!) And I can't imagine what he would owe the university for, and he is very, very sensible with money and really wouldn't intentionally have a debt.

Do I tell the debt company he no longer lives here and I don't know where he is? Do I ask elderly relative to pass on the post (this may or may not happen any time soon, depending on elderly relative?) I will do this anyway, but it's not a quick solution.

WWYD?

I'm sorry op but please reread all your posts as if a stranger has typed them. Your son wanted to go low contact with you so you continue to contact him. He blocks you to go no contact and you are still trying to contact him!!! Please go read all those threads regarding parents who won't stop and see how destroying it can be to children (even 40yr old children) whose parents do not listen to what they are saying. Your son is screaming at you and you are going lalalala.

Reseal the letter, write no longer at this address and repost. Look after the children who want and need you. Let your son be the one to make contact first.

@Pixiedust1234 I hear you - but between Jan 2021 and Sep 22 I didn't contact DS (I've just checked the texts,)and there was one email I sent shortly after that. In Sept' I asked him if he wanted some of the bumper crop of fruit. I'll just leave it. He doesn't speak to anyone else, either (he didn't really speak to the elderly relative when he lived with them, which upset the relative a bit). He wasn't always like this, so obviously I'm worried, but have respected his space (apart from the fruit text and the text today about the post)

I really am sorry if I came over a bit harsh. Tbh I don't know how I would handle it if my dd did the same (she waxes and wanes in her contact but not like yours), but its what he wants, he's clearly asked for the space so all you can do is listen to that, leave your door open and wait. Look after the little ones for now

But the debt collection company need an address to serve the claim form at and to enforce the debt at. A £300 debt is very little when you consider the issue fee and the fees for enforcement. So there's a good chance that if you make it clear he isn't at the address, his whereabouts is unknown and he has no money, that no further action will be taken.

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon interest gets added - so will probably get up to about £2,500 by the time they take it to court

theyll serve notice at the ops address

not leaving a forwarding address doesn’t do much to escape debt collectors

ive seen a bucket load of people with damaged credit files due to this type of situation

So, I've told DH about the debt. He said "This needs paying" and paid it. He messaged DS to ask what it was for. DS contacted the debt collecting company who told him it was for not returning the laptop given to him by university. Apparently if you withdraw from the course the laptop has to be returned within seven days. (I Googled to learn this, but I would have read this when he started uni, but never thought DS would drop out) I think it's very crappy of the uni to bill for this as DS dropped out so late in the course, and for mental health reasons, so either he wouldn't have been reading his emails or felt not able to go into the university to hand back the laptop, but that's just my opinion.

DS then came round with cash for DH, and thanked DH for paying the bill, asked about the cats and took some records from him room. It seems DS is doing OK at the moment, and that has given me so much relief. I should have just told DH in the first place, not asked you lot

DH has told me that DS just stopped reading his university emails, so didn't read any correspondence about the laptop, and wasn't reading his post sent here, so could have very easily ended up with a CCJ.