Son just wrote my car off, and I’m not mad

[Fisifoofoo]

So, my 18 year old passed his test about a month ago, and I stuck him on my insurance so he could drive to work and back, he works on a country hotel so has late finishes.

On his way to work at a new location today he lost it on a very tight bend on an unfamiliar country road, went through a wall and rolled it twice down a hill into some trees

Luckily no one else was involved, and some bikers stopped and phoned the emergency services, but apart from a few scrapes him and his mate are fine. It took a long time to find his house keys that had flown out of the car when it rolled, he said at one point his arm flew out of the window and back in again, it frightens me to think what could’ve happened.

I am not in the least bit mad. The car is a write off, and any future insurance I might get will be extortionate but I don’t care.

I couldn’t care less about that car. It was mine, I loved it, it took me ages to find it, but it’s nothing.

The fact that the two of them walked away with just scrapes is miraculous, I feel like putting a lottery ticket on.

I fully understand your feelings. The worst my DS did was a scrape in a car park.
I'm sure your immediate reaction is normal. You may change your view when the relief wears off.
He was driving at 17 and has always loved cars and driving, was always a little arrogant that he was a better driver than others his age.
He's 26 now and we recently had an interesting conversation about driving. Following on from the fact that the brain isn't fully developed until age 24. He said to me that he recently realised that insurance companies are right to treat men under 25 as high risk, that he has noticed a seismic shift in himself and his attitude to risk in the last year or so. Where before he wouldn't have hesitated to overtake, now he doesn't.

My recommendation would be no passengers allowed until he's been driving at least a year and even then only in day time. We still did pick ups at night to avoid the scenario of a carload of young people.

Why would she need business insurance for driving to and from a place of work?

I think I’m going to ban my kids from driving until they are at least 25. They just don’t realise how dangerous it really is. I once taught a little girl whose cousin had crashed into a tree and died. Heartbreaking.

He should pay your extra insurance charges and should also pay for his own insurance for three rest of his life.

I fear the lesson he may learn otherwise is that there is no consequence for reckless or distracted driving. Total a car, land upside down in a field - problem?

I’m glad they’re both okay - but - as someone who live rurally, please please impress on him that he was going too fast. Bends can be unfamiliar but any bend is possible if you’re driving slow enough to accommodate it. He’s very lucky he didn’t roll into a river to be honest. I hope it’s a bit of a wake up call for him.

I don’t really see your point.

Yes he was an idiot, and although from the scene he wasn’t driving ridiculously fast I am in no doubt that he was driving too fast for that road. That will all be addressed in due course, but for the moment I’m just so grateful neither of them are dead or seriously injured, and equally relieved that no one else was involved.

So seeing as my feelings about it all are ‘not ideal’ what do you suggest instead?

I didn’t say I wasn’t mad that he did it, I said I’m not mad at the loss of the car. When the dust has settled then it will be time for all the repercussions, but for now I’m feeling very lucky.

OK, your latest update makes sense. Initially, I would also just be relieved that no one was hurt given the severity of the accident. Once everyone's over the initial shock though, he does need some consequences.

At 21, I was involved in a fender bender with my Mum's car. It was raining, the car in front braked, I reacted too slowly and skidded into it. Neither car was badly damaged but as my Mum's car was fairly old, the insurance decided to write it off rather than make the repairs. My Mum was nice about it, but she asked that I pay for a rental car and help her look for a replacement. It took a couple of weeks to find her a new car, so I spent enough money to remember it!

So, I think you do need a consequence that he'll remember.

I am just pleased for you that your son is safe. I hope you both recover well from the shock x

Because he was going to a “new location”. The commuting cover on car insurance related to a single, fixed place of work.

So he could well have been uninsured.

Probably not if she doesn’t have Commuting on there.
Anyway OP, as the parent of a Teen currently learning to drive I know what you mean. I wouldn’t care if my car was destroyed as long as DD was ok

Shit, he was clearly driving far too quickly! Thank god he didn’t kill someone. I understand the initial relief but wow

Not relevant - you’re covered to travel to one place of work in a day.

Not true for most insurers.

I can only imagine the relief.

I give you about 24 hours OP and then the rage will arrive!

Yes he's lucky. But I wouldn't be putting him on my insurance again! (Wouldn't surprise me if your insurance actually refuse due to cost).

I think this explains why in some states new drivers can’t drive with a passenger who is not a family member. Friends in cars, their music up loud, concentration goes out of the window.

Haven't RTFT

Get him to take an Advanced Drivers course

It'll teach him Limit Point Analysis - how to judge how quickly you can safely take a bend - among other things.

Glad he's ok.

Glad he's safe, he only passed a month ago. I passed 3 months ago and I'm still a shaky driver. At least its a learning curve, I know to the car is a write off but I'm sure he'll be more careful

DS nearly 18 rang me a few weeks ago having just blown a tyre when he hit a curb. He was very shaken. Like the op I was so relieved that it was just a tyre. He claimed he wasn’t going fast, but had been distracted when passing a petrol station checking the price of fuel ( understandably). It could have been much worse so I didn’t mind going out to rescue him. It has made him much more aware of driving hazards. Although he still drives too fast, just not on roads he doesn’t know🙄.

Rafting2022 · Today 23:06
Not relevant - you’re covered to travel to one place of work in a day.
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Not true for most insurerS

eh? Business insurance is when you use you car for business, so driving from workplace to workplace, transporting goods etc.

commuting is just that, driving to work, parking up, driving home. Exactly what her son was doing.

so as long as commuting is covered. Car wasn’t being used for business so that isn’t necessary.

Thank God. I’d feel the same. Ignore the people saying ‘get angry’. He has had the shock of his life. I’m sure he’ll be the safest driver in your town now. Hug him and tell him you love him.

You need to appreciate that while your sons reckless behaviour may not have done any lasting harm, there are also many users here who have family or children that do not drive so recklessly, who have been hurt or killed at the hands of others bad driving. So not everyone is going to feel as you do.

Unfortunately for me, while DS was learning I used the car for work. Two weeks after we bought it a customer reversed into it while parked outside work.
DS was not happy that the car spent 3 weeks being repaired during the summer holidays. He passed his test a couple of weeks before the end of term so it “ruined “ his holidays. I was secretly delighted that he couldn’t go racing round the countryside. He also learned a valuable lesson that when you damage your car the biggest pain is the inconvenience of not having it. We could have had a rental while it was in for repair but they won’t insure them for under 21.

It’s one single place of work. I have a job that covers the whole of the U.K. My commute could be 30 minutes or 7 hours. I have to have business class 1 to visit different sites every day. It was the same when I covered a smaller number of sites all within an hour of home.

Commuting covers me to my base and my base only. Anything else needs business class 1.