arretesigusy · 15/09/2022 20:46
My eldest dd is about to return to her final year at university. She arrived hone a week ago. I'm feeling increasingly taken-for-granted but as I'm ill at the moment, not sure if IABU. I've got quite bad post viral symptoms following a pretty bad time of Covid.
Since she's been here, she seems to be treating the house like a hotel. Her room (which I'd spent a whole day cleaning) is strewn with dirty clothes on the floor, dirty tissues, etc. I feel this respects so little the work I'd done in cleaning it before she came home.
She expects that I will drive a 400 mile round trip to deposit her and her not insignificant number of belongings back at university. I've told her that I am ill, drained and easily fatigued. I've said that if I feel up to it, I'll do it but that the day I do this depends on how I am feeling. I said sometime next week might be possible and to not make any plans as she will need to go when I feel up to it. Nevertheless she has proceeded to make social plans with her friends without taking into account what I have said.
Since home, she has spent a good deal of time catching up with friends. I don't mind this and understand why she wants to do this but she's been abroad on an exchange all last year. It might gave been nice to spend some time with her or even if she could cook dinner occasionally given I'm ill.
Her sense of entitlement is huge. I find it very selfish and I kind of think at 21, she should perhaps be be a little more respectful and caring. I feel utterly taken for granted and especially since I'm struggling post Covid.
Am I expecting too much?
Delectable · 15/09/2022 20:49
No you're not. Why not speak to her to correct and teach her? She's under your roof and should know how to behave.
arretesigusy · 15/09/2022 21:09
I do but she gets very defensive. I think what she needs is actually for someone on the outside to say 'why are you treating your mother like that? Show some respect'
Neverfullycharged · 15/09/2022 21:15
I remain mortified at how selfish, entitled and probably generally unpleasant I was as a young adult, after having been a reasonably pliable teen. Everything you’ve written is how I was. I don’t really know what prompts it - whether it’s a sort of enforced living together after time apart, I am not sure. But I’m honestly not like that now!
Juicelooseabootthehoose · 15/09/2022 21:20
With the room, I couldn't get hung up about. It's her private space and surely you're not spending a lot of time in there. As long as she cleans it before she leaves, let her be.
As giving her a lift, that's fine that it's when you feel better. But I think you're being ridiculous if you expect someone to sit in and wait all week waiting for you to feel better. What is wrong with her making plans which she can then cancel on the day if you're able to take her up?
It does come across in that you want her to sit in with you for the next week to look after you while you're ill. Have you asked her specifically to spend some time with you?
arretesigusy · 15/09/2022 21:26
I did state in my OP that I didn't mind her seeing friends, and no- I don't expect her to sit in all the time and look after me. Her offering to make me a cup of tea once in a while might be nice - or perhaps now and again consider offering to make us all dinner rather than expect me to do it whilst ill.** A bit of gratitude that I will be driving 400 miles whilst not feeling great would be lovely.
mondaytosunday · 15/09/2022 21:42
Is it just you and her? No other family member (an aunt or uncle, grandparent, your best friend)? They might say something about you not being the slave she takes you for.
If she leaves her room in a mess I'd be tempted to leave it like that and not tidy for her next visit.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.