violent teenager son - please advise
1womanband1bigshow · 13/09/2022 12:37
dear fellow moms!
I have searched the internet for guidance and help on behalf of a friend who has son in his late teens who is, BPD or bipolr or something ( my own conclusion, not a medic). He wont get help. and meanwhile causing chaos and violent outbusrsts at home. it has gone beyond the 'sit down adn talk' or ' get someone he respects to talk to him'.
The rest of the family live in fear on a regular basis. He has gone from job to job, and constantly lies.
It has been getting worse. He does ned help but refuses and if they try and ask him to leave he refuses. If was to be forced out the parents are afraid that he will harras them.
Anybody know of any organisations/authorities that can help with this situation. It seems that this family is stuck with this situation. any advice please.
thanks In advance.
Itsmeagainyes · 13/09/2022 12:41
I would recommend joining the Newbold Hope family support page. There are many in similar situations. Is there any sort of neurodiversity diagnosed or suspected? It is common for challenging behaviour to increase in teenage years. In fact many neurodiverse children aren't diagnosed till their teens.
Itsmeagainyes · 13/09/2022 12:42
Newbold hope is aimed at families where the child has an additional needs so it may not be helpful if there is no neurodiversity.
drspouse · 13/09/2022 12:46
IME Newbold Hope advocates removing all demands on the child - if the teenager is already resisting all demands and indeed just making demands on everyone else this is not much help.
The approach does not also seem to help if taken to extremes. I remember reading about a girl on that group who wasn't being asked to get dressed/interact with others/go to school/do anything. She hung about the house smelling badly due to not having a shower, dressed in a blanket with menstrual blood leaking, and abusing everyone else anyway because they could not possibly do enough for her to be happy. My take was she was depressed due to not actually doing anything, ever.
Itsmeagainyes · 13/09/2022 12:50
I personally have never heard anyone on newbold hope advocating permenantly removing all demands. Reducing demands, identifying triggers then slow reintroduction when things start to settle. The key is identifying triggers, which are rarely what you expect them to be. Is he being bullied or struggling at school? When did the behaviour start?
drspouse · 13/09/2022 13:04
Literally every post on there says "remove demands".
JuneOsborne · 19/09/2022 10:20
This is so difficult.
He either needs to leave home or agree to some kind of intervention, be it therapy, investigating a diagnosis, or finding an outlet.
What can't happen is it all just keeps on going on. And that's what you need to tell him. That you love him and you want him to be safe at home, but that everyone needs to be safe at home and his behaviour jeapordises it. So he has choices. Leave. Or agree to the intervention.
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