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Helping kids financially after uni
32

Notabigfan · 25/08/2022 02:38

After a bit of perspective here. Please don't read too much into my username, it's not necessarily reflective of how I feel about this Grin

Did you help your kids financially after they left uni?

So, for instance: your DC finishes uni in June, and they have a grad job in London starting in September. You live in, say, Manchester, so living at home and commuting to London not an option. They work min wage full time over the summer, which still isn't enough for a deposit, rent and bills for the first month. They need to move to London for this job, and will be fine after that first month.

Every family is different, and there are many different ways to go after uni. But is it generally the done thing to set your DC up after uni, or should they be expecting to go it alone and make plans accordingly?

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vodkaredbullgirl · 25/08/2022 02:40

No my DD had more money than me, when she left uni. Still does as she really doesn't spend that much money from her wages.

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Pemba · 25/08/2022 03:10

It is hard for young people starting out, especially these days. I think if you can you should give some help.

However if you're really struggling yourself you might not be able to do this. Maybe you could help in other ways.

In the case you mention, where they're at home in Manchester over the summer and starting a graduate job in London in September, I would at least let them stay at home for free over the summer if I possibly could. Living in London is going to be so expensive for them.

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Cookerhood · 25/08/2022 03:34

Yes, if course, if I was able to. We did for one if ours, the other didn't need it as they'd been at home during lockdown & had saved up money.

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Johnnysgirl · 25/08/2022 03:36

If you can help, why wouldn't you? It hardly matters what the done thing is.

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Diamond7272 · 25/08/2022 03:52

I would as a parent.

Rents in London for just rooms in shared houses of 4 to 6 people start at 750 for an okish area and rise well past 1000pcm in an area id be ok with my daughter walking home alone in the winter darkness post 4pm.

1 month rent upfront, 1 to 1.5 months rent as a deposit, share of bills 1 month into tenancy, c-tax, student loan repayments kicking in, any young person starting out is looking at a minimum £2500 setting up cost without family nearby. At £9 per hour, that's 3 months work before travel etc in the summer holidays... Barely possible without other variables coming into play (ability to walk for free to that £9/hr job for example)...

London is bloody expensive, far more than people imagine, exacerbated recently by the housing crisis and rent hikes/house price increases/estate agents refusing to rent anything to anyone earning less than 30k. They dont even offer our teachers viewings of rentals. Computer says noooo...

In my job, we can't keep young teachers no matter what we do... They just aren't paid enough to sustain any kind of lifestyle bearing in mind the responsibility of the job. Earnings of £25k to 30k after 3 or 4yrs keeps them forever renting rooms as large as the kids bedrooms of the pupils they teach..

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mondaytosunday · 25/08/2022 04:13

Absolutely if I can!
After I graduated it took me about six months to find a job in my industry and I was working minimum wage job. I was in London already my parents lived on another country. They paid for my rent until I could afford to.
I would always help my kids out financially if possible. Their age doesn't have anything to do with it.

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Goldfishmountainclimber · 25/08/2022 07:32

They should certainly be thinking of a room in a shared flat rather than setting up in a one bedroom flat on their own.
I would have thought the ‘setting up’ cost would be under £2,000 so reasonable for the graduate to have saved this or use overdraft. About £700 rent per month, £700 for their part of a deposit, and £250 per month their share of bills in advance. These are the exact costs that someone I know has for a bedroom in a central London shared flat.
Then catch the train (or bus) down from Manchester with suitcase and rucksack.

I guess I feel that it is important for them to take some responsibility for themselves at that age. And not be expecting a life of luxury paid for by parents.

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Pemba · 25/08/2022 11:20

I don't think anyone has mentioned a life of luxury @Goldfishmountainclimber . Just to be able to live,as @Diamond7272 explains above. And the setting up costs to begin life in London are so expensive, plus they won't get paid for a while.

DD and her partner went to uni near London, but didn't really consider jobs there due to London costs. They returned to the Midlands where they both managed to get decent jobs, rented a nice flat for the same price as their student rooms in the South East, saved up and bought a nice semi after working for five years.

If they'd got jobs in London they'd probably be in a flat share now! DD said 'I don't want to carry on living like a student, although it was fun at the time'.

DD has a friend from London who is a primary school teacher. She has tried the shared house thing, but recently returned to live at home in her tiny childhood bedroom. I said to DD, why not encourage her to come to the Midlands? But the poor girl is very close to her family and why should she have to leave them behind?

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Elderlycatwoes · 25/08/2022 11:34

Absolutely I would help. I feel so sorry for this generation coming up they are being screwed from every angle,. I have helped my adult DC a couple of times with the odd unexpected expenses like car repairs etc. I feel privileged to have been born when I did which allowed me to build up some wealth and buy a house so more than happy to pass it forward

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TopGolfer · 25/08/2022 11:43

My DC are back at home after uni but if/when they do move out I would expect to help set them up in either a shared house or to rent a whole house with a few friends. After the first month I don’t think I would pay towards their living costs, I think I say that because I live somewhere that is easily commutable to London so moving out into London isn’t actually necessary.
I think there’s no right or wrong way here.

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Notabigfan · 25/08/2022 12:49

Hi all, thanks for your perspective. I am the child in this case (sorry! I know reverses are the worst which is why I kept the first post vague). Just trying to explain to my parent that I need help with that one month's initial cost, and after that would be fine financially and would pay them back as per whatever we agreed. They are not understanding this and seem to think I should be fine. I am definitely looking at the cheapest possible properties, looking at low-deposit and no deposit options.

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Notabigfan · 25/08/2022 12:50

And it's not a financial issue, I think it's just a misunderstanding issue.

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Goldfishmountainclimber · 25/08/2022 12:53

I guess I am influenced by my experiences. I live in central London and have a lot of contact with exactly this category of young person. I have been surprised by the entitled attitudes and the very high level of parental financial support.

I guess I would help my children (not at that age yet) but would ‘keep it real’ in the sense that I was not providing a luxury experience. I think it was character building for me to live in scruffy shared flats when I was younger.

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Goldfishmountainclimber · 25/08/2022 12:54

Cross posts. Yes, you may need help with the first month.

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blobby10 · 25/08/2022 13:14

My DS graduated (with a 1st) from King College London in 2019 - his dad (my exH) and I had split the costs of supporting him through uni and he worked part time until Jan 2019 when he focussed on his finals. Post degree we both paid his rent for a year (grotty 3 bed flat share £800 a month each plus bills) - he struggled to find work in his expected industry due to Brexit and then Covid hit. He got a job in June 2020 and we paid half his rent for 6 months then he started paying it all himself. DD graduated this year (same split costs for rent etc through uni as her brother) and has a minimum wage job so although she's working full time 38 hrs pw), paying the rent AND fuel to get to work AND food costs is leaving her skint so her dad and I are each paying half her rent (£400 pm for 2 bed flat share) for a few months. I have told her, same as i told her brother, if she starts going on holidays or weekends away or buying loads of clothes which I'm sacrificing to help her out, I won't be happy!

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GonnaeNoDaeThat89 · 25/08/2022 13:18

My parents paid for my first month's rent and deposit when I got my first job away from home - it was just a small 1 bedroom flat and was £395 rent + £395 deposit. I paid for everything else after that.

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939300EJL · 28/08/2022 13:18

Absolutely if you can afford to help. Two of mine came back home for a year so worked and saved up some money. Didn’t charge rent so they could save because they were in MW jobs whilst looking for a post grad career job.
Youngest just graduated …he is working in pub and hoping to get graduate job in London..shall help financially if necessary but obviously within reason!

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Decorhate · 31/08/2022 07:28

@Notabigfan If your parents live outside the SE of England they probably don’t appreciate how much more expensive it is in London.

Deposit plus one months rent can be at least £1500. I paid two months for my daughter because her first pay day was after the second month’s rent was due.

Obviously it depends on whether or not your parents can afford to help.

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17CherryTreeLane · 31/08/2022 07:47

I have saved money in trust funds for my DC, since they were born, so us expect them to use that to help them get started.

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Dragonskin · 31/08/2022 07:57

Ours didn't come home so we carried on paying them the uni rent for 6 months after finishing while they got themselves established in jobs

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Catch21 · 31/08/2022 07:59

Yes, my parents helped me with the deposit and rent when I first started working and I would do the same for my DC when they're at that age.

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eurochick · 31/08/2022 08:21

I'm surprised that if you have worked full time all summer you haven't managed to save a couple of grand.

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Beautiful3 · 31/08/2022 08:25

Depends if they understand the costs involved, want to gift the money and can afford it. Sounds like they're not. Try to explain how much you need. If that fails, could you go.somewhere cheaper like the Midlands?

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MrsLargeEmbodied · 31/08/2022 08:27

we could never afford it
did they support you through uni?
can they afford it?

i dont think its a given tbh

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MrsLargeEmbodied · 31/08/2022 08:28

my dd came home and lived rent free and saved money that way.

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