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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Gay son

34 replies

Sim1903 · 13/08/2022 21:15

My son thinks he’s gay. He said that he does not find women attractive. He’s never been with a boy before. My husband doesn’t want him to be gay. I don’t know what to do, how does he know he is?
please help anyone. I’m not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:
mosex · 13/08/2022 21:16

There is nothing to do. Support him, he's not going to change into a straight person. If you don't support him you lose him. Who cares who he fancies anyway?

vroom321 · 13/08/2022 21:16

I guess he waits until he's attracted/ wants a relationship with a man or woman or either and then he will find out?

dementedpixie · 13/08/2022 21:17

Just say its OK and you support him. Does it matter if he fancies boys instead of girls?

dementedpixie · 13/08/2022 21:18

P.s.what age is he?

Ohdearnotagain76 · 13/08/2022 21:18

Is your son a adult or child?
either way support, listen and love him for all his is. His sexuality shouldn’t make a difference as long as he’s happy

Whadda · 13/08/2022 21:19

how does he know he is?

How did you know you were straight?

RaininSummer · 13/08/2022 21:20

He will hopefully be able to love whoever he wants and it's none of his dad's business. Your husband will drive your son away though if he voices this nonsense aloud.

waltty · 13/08/2022 21:21

I love my children unconditionally regardless of their sexuality , I feel sorry for you to have an husband who 'does not want his child to be gay'

JaninaDuszejko · 13/08/2022 21:22

Is it 1992? How old are you and your son? Your DH doesn't have a say in your DSs sex life. Tell your DH to enter the 21st century and your DS that as long as the person he loves is good to him you don't care what's between their legs.

Motnight · 13/08/2022 21:23

You support your son.

lunar1 · 13/08/2022 21:23

Your husband doesn't get a vote. He gets the son he has.

You just support him, that's all there is to do. He'll figure out the rest on his own.

A580Hojas · 13/08/2022 21:25

I feel so sad that this is even an issue. It's almost unbelievable.

User639921 · 13/08/2022 21:25

My DS is gay, he has never had any interest in girls but he was very good friends with them at school and we used to have loads of girls come round the house but he said when he was about 16 that he just wasn't attracted to girls. We don't see him as any different though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/08/2022 21:25

You're in Parents of Adult Children so am assume he's an adult. What you do is stop referring to it as 'thinking' he's gay. He's told you he's gay. You say 'great' and act exactly as you would if he was straight. Judge his partners on how they treat him, not their sex.

And tell your DH to bugger off, ignorant wanker.

MintJulia · 13/08/2022 21:33

Just tell him you'll love him regardless, and that you just want him to be happy. And leave him to set the pace.

As for your dh, give him time. he'll get over the shock.

InTheFridge · 13/08/2022 21:34

I'd leave my DP if my son said he was gay and he reacted like that.

Yes, my son is gay.

knickersniff · 13/08/2022 21:38

You don't need to handle anything. Acceptance is the way forward

Beamur · 13/08/2022 21:39

Take a breath and think.
Whatever you say won't make your son less gay but it might make his life a bit harder.
He's still the same person you love but his life and choices are his to make.

CuriousCatfish · 13/08/2022 21:43

There's nothing to handle apart from your bigoted husband.

Your son is still the same person he always was.

Riverlee · 13/08/2022 22:06

Your son is still the same person he was yesterday. However, if it’s never crossed your mind that he could be gay, then I can see how it can be a bit of a shock.

You handle it by carrying on as normal. Maybe thank him for telling you - probably took a lot of courage- and say you’re always there if he want to chat more.

Why doesn’t your husband want him to be gay? Is it because gay men generally have a tougher route through life? Does he feel ds is going to change, become all camp, start going to Pride parades etc, and not be the son he knows? Is it fear of the unknown, or is he homophobic? It may just take him time to adjust to the news.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 13/08/2022 22:06

I have two adult sons who are gay. One has been with his partner for several years and he is now a big part of our family too. I am very proud of them all.

You and your husband accept that he is gay and support him or you will push him away.

Eightiesfan · 13/08/2022 22:13

You need to sort out DH. Whether he wants him to be gay or not is irrelevant, and his reaction could easily put an end to his relationship with his son.

About 6 years ago the son of one of my friends told his family he was gay. Our friendship group all suspected but she always threw a huge hissy fit whenever anyone mentioned it. She was massively homophobic and when he came out to the family she said some awful things to him.

It look a few years for them to get their relationship back to normal, but some of the things she said to him were unforgivable and she knows it.

gogohmm · 13/08/2022 22:18

Is this 1980? A wind up? Everyone knows you can't choose your sexuality by now surely.

ivebeencalledworse · 13/08/2022 22:39

He's knows he's gay because he's male and fancies other males.

Your husband is the problem. Is he going to get violent or hostile with your son? This is a problem. Is your son in danger?

PersonaNonGarter · 13/08/2022 22:42

Just try to be a good mum, even if your husband is not a good dad.