Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

Broken relationship with DD
3

Kiki105 · 06/08/2022 08:02

Sorry, this is a long one...My broken relationship with my 18 year old DD feels likes it's beyond repair and I just feel utterly bereft. She's always had attitude but was generally a happy child. Our relationship has deteriorated throughout her teens to the point she wants nothing to do with me. She swans in and out of the house hardly giving me eye contact, when she does I see such hatred in her eyes. When I try and talk to her she always says "I just have nothing to talk about". From past texting with her I know she wants to have a mum/daughter relationship but just not with me. We've had conversations about trying to repair the problem and only recently I told her I would give her a daily hug just so she knows I love her but when you receive such a cold response it becomes difficult to maintain. We arranged to go to the cinema in the week, which she seemed up for, I even arranged a day off work to go but she cancelled on the day saying she couldn't be bothered to watch a film. She's currently seeing a 28 year old which hasn't helped and now I've accepted the situation she refuses to introduce him. Her dad left us when she was 13, he made himself very ill after he left (functioning alcoholic) and since then he has struggled with his own mental health and maintain a relationship with her and my DS. She's arranged countless times to see him but he always cancels. He hid the drinking well when we were together, they never saw the problem so it didn't affect them growing up, we rowed a lot before he left though. I suggested counselling recently but she flatly refused. It's so uncomfortable living like this, like living with a lodger you wish would move out and I just want to run away. I cry most days because it hurts so much.

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

wonderpants · 06/08/2022 09:00

Just here for a bit of solidarity!
Keep your boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour in your home.
Be consistent and friendly, even if you get nothing back.
Good bits of advices I've had are that you only get to choose what you do and that you can't undo the good stuff.
Try not to take it personally, it won't be forever!

Please
or
to access all these features

BlueFog · 06/08/2022 09:13

I am in a very similar position OP apart from DD actually moved out after several months of the behaviour you've described (at 17). Hasn't been in touch for five months since she left.

It is more common than you think, so many people have said that it happened to them since I've talked about it. Lots of us had tricky divorces/unpleasant XH on the scene.

You just need to maintain what is right for you to do as a person/boundaries. These kids are young adults and their behaviour is very much a choice - because if you're pleasant to everyone else in the world bar your Mum it is a choice. I wouldn't have dreamt of behaving like this with my parents.

It is heartbreaking and I will never understand it.

Please
or
to access all these features

Kiki105 · 06/08/2022 09:21

BlueFog · 06/08/2022 09:13

I am in a very similar position OP apart from DD actually moved out after several months of the behaviour you've described (at 17). Hasn't been in touch for five months since she left.

It is more common than you think, so many people have said that it happened to them since I've talked about it. Lots of us had tricky divorces/unpleasant XH on the scene.

You just need to maintain what is right for you to do as a person/boundaries. These kids are young adults and their behaviour is very much a choice - because if you're pleasant to everyone else in the world bar your Mum it is a choice. I wouldn't have dreamt of behaving like this with my parents.

It is heartbreaking and I will never understand it.

Good to know I'm not alone in this situation. My friends seem to have a great relationship with their kids despite their marriage breakups.

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?