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Abusive ex... do I leave it?
1

Halo247 · 01/08/2022 17:58

I was married for 16 years. During this time I had children and my sex drive went to zero as I was very tired and my ex husband was emotionally and sexually abusive towards me. He would insist on having sex or he would threaten to leave me and take the children, saying I would never see them again. He sexually abused me for years, at night he would wait until I was asleep and then use baby oil to abuse me. I would initially wake up but over time I gradually slept through it more and more. I would often only know that it had happened when he was videoing blank windows for hours as he used to video the abuse (zero lux setting) but wouldn't want the evidence. I have one of the videos. My issue is if I was to take the video to the police and have him convicted of sexual abuse then I feel that it would then be awkward for my children at family events in the future, if one of them was to get married and the ex's family are there or he was even to attend. My love for my children overrides my need to have him rightly convicted of sexual assault, but I also feel that it's wrong that he did these things to me and that he should be held accountable. What would you do?

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Starlightunicorn · 14/08/2022 21:47

I noticed you havent had a reply, I hope you don't mind me having a say, I've been through a lot of abuse, sexual as well as other types, including rape and I haven't gone down the route of making a report only because I don't have any kind of proof, you do and if I did I would definitely go to the police with it.
I'm currently in a situation I didn't think I would be 23 years after divorcing my 1st husband as they're still being abusive and smearing me to my adult children and their partners so this isn't going to go away by ignoring it, it just gives them carte blanche to keep abusing people including you and your child/ren.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do but think about the long term and your own MH

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