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Kids and new relationship
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vohen · 24/07/2022 11:40

Hi,

I split from my husband a year ago and have recently met someone else. This new relationship has had some ups and downs and he's the complete opposite in every way from my estranged husband. However, we've sorted everything out and both want to continue the relationship with a view to it becoming serious.
I told my 17 and 20 year old daughters last night about my new relationship and they've both basically said that they don't want to know him, that I'm stupid and that I'm putting him before them.He lives almost 2 hours away from me so if things do work out I would be moving down to him as he has 2 businesses that he can't uproot.
Am I being a bad mum for putting myself first for a change? I'm 54 and been unhappy in my marriage for a long time before I left. I just feel so guilty but I really do want to pursue happiness with my new relationship 😢

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Northernsoullover · 24/07/2022 12:20

I do believe that you should have a romantic life post divorce and that its unfair of your young adult/late teen to dictate that you can't, but this relationship has red flags already. What were the ups and downs so early on? Enjoy the long distance romance but hold back on moving so quickly. You don't know him. I certainly wouldn't be planning to leave my children (similar age) to move in with someone I barely know. Not even two years down the line. They still need stability.

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Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 24/07/2022 12:24

Ask them if they would be happy to have restrictions on hwnor relationships..
Are they usually such brats?

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Flossiemoss · 24/07/2022 12:28

Maybe they actually have a sensible view you need to listen to?
Yes they are dc but they have stood in the sidelines and witnessed the ups and downs of the last year. Maybe they are looking out for you?

they maybe dc but at the age where they do start to be very perceptive if it’s in them to be so.

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vohen · 24/07/2022 12:30

The ups and downs are just the distance and that when we meet it has to be away for the night rather than just an evening. My sister in law stays not far from him and so I stay with her when I go down. It's more difficult for him to come to me as he is a funeral director so is nearly always on call.

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Northernsoullover · 24/07/2022 18:53

Can you take some holidays together? Get to know each other a bit better?

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Runningupthathill01 · 24/07/2022 18:56

If you’ve only recently met him, I would get to know him much better before you consider moving to live with him.

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yonce · 24/07/2022 18:59

Will you expect them to move down too? Tbh if you've been single for a year, and in the time met someone and had ups and downs - that sounds like a recipe for disaster imo.

If you're telling them that you're moving two hours away for someone they've never met it's an absolute huge amount to dump on them if they had no idea you were together especially only a year after you and their dad splitting up.

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bluegardenflowers · 24/07/2022 19:05

By the time you decide on a move one should be in uni and one employed. Maybe they can remain in your home and visit with you and vice versa?

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vohen · 24/07/2022 22:05

I wouldn't be planning on moving in with him for a long time yet, as yes we do obviously need to get to know each other better first and yes we do have some weekends planned where we get to know each other and hopefully at some point the girls will meet him but I won't force them to. Both daughters are in employment, the oldest lives with me and youngest with her dad

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